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Don't forget Mother's Day UK


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[:)] And some of us didn't have mother's that we got on with or liked. Or had any particular envie to have anything to do with them, though I did for my Dad.  Her passing was just that, someone who died, I didn't 'cope' or need to cope with it, it was expected and it happened c'est tout.  I don't have issues either. Takes all sorts to make up a world.

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Georgina, thank you for your opinion about my anger but like TU, my mother was born and 66 years later she died, that's all, between those events she enjoyed inflicting physical and psychological pain on many of those people who had the misfortune to come into contact with her.  I have seen a psychiatrist about my relationship with her and should I need to see one again I'm sure that I'll know when it's the right time without prompting from your good self.

And my OH is a psychologist so if I do have anger issues, she'll tell me soon enough as a result of a longer term involvement with me rather than a short posting on an internet forum - and yes, I do have the REAL scars to prove just how violent my mother was so if I am angry, allow me my feelings.

Not everybody's familial relationships were or are all sweetness and light.

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Well I am sorry if my happy post about Mother's Day resulted in bad memories for you, but personally I would not have posted such offensive remarks for people with or without mothers.  If you felt the need to do this, then personally I think you still have issues and should be dealing with them elsewhere.

Georgina

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I'm sorry Georgina, personally I disagree - our culture makes people who have not got a good relationship with their mother feel somehow lacking or not normal, that isn't really the case, there are sadly many people with poor or no relationship.

 Perhaps you should really count your blessings, not only have you obviously got a great mum but she is still with you - you are correct, that bouquet WAS worth every penny!

 

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I agree with you Russethouse and this tread has taught me that not everybody has a great Mum and  not take it for granted, and that being a Mum does not automatically make you a wonderful person. But it makes you think, if there are lots of children out there who suffer because they don't have a nice mum (like Tony). It's not easy to be the perfect mother and to be too selfless and self-sacrificing is not necessarily a good thing either.
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Sorry Georgina I don't see what was offensive - you mean about my mother and the stake?  That didn't raise any issues for me by the way, I treat my mother and what she did to me with distain and also as funny most of the time, a strategy that my shrink told me was the right way of dealing with things for me.  After the thread we had here about domestic violence - and my parents were BOTH excellent at that as well - I can asssure you that when it comes to being offensive I was taught by experts.

And please, on the grounds of postings on an internet forum, stop telling me that I have issues - to me people who see the world as some fluffy place where all parenting and family life is so warm and cuddly may also need a reality check.

Are you qualified to make assertions about my mental state on the grounds of internet postings? I doubt whether you or other people here can do so and if I need PROFESSIONAL help, as I've already said I know where to go for it.

You have said twice in public that I have issues never having met me or knowing anything about me.  Please stop saying that because I find that REALLY annoying and may say something that I later regret. 

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I have not spoken to or with my mother for over 15 years.

Do I feel bad? No way, I feel relieved that I don't have to pretend any more that I feel anything else but indifference for her.

Does that make me bitter? No, it helps me be more understanding of people like Tony and also probably makes me more of a realist than Georgina.

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One thing having my mother taught me, was exactly what sort of a mother I did not want to be, so there can be positive things about it. The only thing was I was relieved when I didn't have a girl, as she was always far worse with me than my brother. I think I was more than a little worried that some of it would rub off with a girl. As it happened I had two boys, but I know now that it wouldn't have mattered if I had had girls anyway, I am not she.

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Russethouse, I trained as an historian when I was in my 20s and 30s and my doctoral research was on familial structures in the early development of Freemasonry, always been interested in family structures and politics.

Now my father's parents were completely different and I'm pleased to say both sets of grandparents had more of a positive influence on me than my parents did.  And after I'd been hospitalised a couple of thime by mother when I was quite small, I always had a safe haven with them.

They WERE special people!

Quick plug, I've got an article on Huguenot research in this month's Practical Family History in the UK!

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Tony has tainted the original pleasant posting into a discussion about how awful his life was with his mother.  Well, believe it or not, although I am not willing to discuss it with total strangers, I too have " issues " with my mother. However, on Mother's Day, for the sake of others (including my father)  I am willing to forget them.  Oh believe me Clair I am a realist!

Because I believe if you don't sometimes try and let go of those memories or understand (difficult as it may be) then you are punishing yourself more.

Georgina

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You have "issues" and you put them aside for the sake of others, that's fine, but not everyone has to do the same.

Personnaly, I call that fooling yourself and others, but I suppose that you're going to refer me to a psy as well [:D]

As for "tainting a thread", I prefer to see it as expressing a different opinion, or can't we do that either?

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Some years ago I went to see a homeopathic Doctor, in order to prescribe we talked about my family, my childhood etc and while I was airing one particular grievance I made the comment that I should have 'got over it by now' The Doctor said that our childhood, upbringing etc is part of who we are and we never 'get over it'

She cured the ailment !

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I truly believe it's been better for me to acknowledge that I did not like my mother rather than pretend that I did and bury my own feelings for the sake of others or to avoid ill feelings.

It goes against the grain, as shown by Georgina's comments, but it's helped me tremendously to realise I did not have to like her.

I am not derogatory towards her, I do not begrudge my sisters their relationship with her and they do not "force us" together.

It suits me fine [:D]

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[quote user="Clair"]I truly believe it's been better for me to acknowledge that I did not like my mother rather than pretend that I did and bury my own feelings for the sake of others or to avoid ill feelings.

It goes against the grain, as shown by Georgina's comments, but it's helped me tremendously to realise I did not have to like her.

I am not derogatory towards her, I do not begrudge my sisters their relationship with her and they do not "force us" together.

It suits me fine [:D]

[/quote]

I was very lucky to have a wonderful Mum - she once told me when I was being a little judgemental about a friend who couldn't get on with her family, that you have to be true to yourself and that we can choose our friends but our family are thrust upon us.

She was soooo right about pretty much all the little wisdoms she passed on to me.  

Sadly I lost my Mum to cancer on 17th March 1979.

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I agree with Clair.

And the other thing is no one knows really what goes on behind closed doors either. I used to envy friends a lot, and sometimes wish their mother was mine.

As an adult with the same friends I have found out some pretty bad things about other people's home lives. You just never know.

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[quote user="Teamedup"]

I agree with Clair.

And the other thing is no one knows really what goes on behind closed doors either. I used to envy friends a lot, and sometimes wish their mother was mine.

As an adult with the same friends I have found out some pretty bad things about other people's home lives. You just never know.

[/quote]

Well exactly, things are never what they seem, and you can't keep harping on about the past, well not on a thread about Mother's Day. Perhaps we should start a "my childhood" thread. There is obviously a lot of interest there and some very strong opinions that need airing.[:)]  Now whose going to start?

Georgina

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[quote user="Clair"]You have "issues" and you put them aside for the sake of others, that's fine, but not everyone has to do the same.
Personnaly, I call that fooling yourself and others, but I suppose that you're going to refer me to a psy as well [:D]

As for "tainting a thread", I prefer to see it as expressing a different opinion, or can't we do that either?
[/quote]

 

No point in putting words that I did not say in order to have a go.

And as for expressing opinions sometimes we can't on here if they offend others, oh but you can because you are a Mod.[:)]

Georgina

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[quote user="Georgina"]And as for expressing opinions sometimes we can't on here if they offend others, oh but you can because you are a Mod.[:)]

Georgina[/quote]

Are you saying I should not express any opinion different to the mainstream because I am a mod or are you say I can because I am a mod???[8-)]

EDIT: I really fail to see why this is even brought up here, unless you have no other valid comment to add?

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It's easy, in Georgina world with her unresolved and subsumed issues, she has to take it out on somebody.  I stuck my head up first and now I've ducked - reminds me too much of my mother the longer she goes on - it's the Mods turn.

Russethouse et al - of course you're entitled to your opinions, just make sure that they conform with Georgina's in fluffy and rude world!

 

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[quote user="Tony F Dordogne"]

It's easy, in Georgina world with her unresolved and subsumed issues, she has to take it out on somebody.  I stuck my head up first and now I've ducked - reminds me too much of my mother the longer she goes on - it's the Mods turn.

Russethouse et al - of course you're entitled to your opinions, just make sure that they conform with Georgina's in fluffy and rude world!

[/quote]

I am not the one with unresolved issues, I am not the one posting my personal details on the forum about my awful childhood.  You are. And why have I been rude? I thought you were.  But we are entitled to our opinions as everyone keeps saying.

 

Just to remind you about being rude this is what you posted :

I love Mother's Day - I always make sure that somebody visits the grave, takes a large hammer and gives the stake a couple of good whacks to make sure the old witch doesn't rise from her grave to haunt the family again.

 

 

I did not think it was funny and thought it was offensive and unnecessary. I am sure that others would too.

If I live in a fluffy world it is obviously better than yours........   Enjoy it.

 

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[quote user="Russethouse"]

Georgina, What you are implying is both untrue and offensive.

 Mods do their absolute utmost to be even handed toward members , that doesn't stop them having opinions or worthwhile experiences

Really you take the biscuit !

.

[/quote]

Sorry![:)]

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