Jump to content

Fluffy rose-tinted specs off


Recommended Posts

Interesting, Clair.  The woman seems to be quite brave and, ultimately, very strong.

Having a marriage "destroyed" is one thing but at least she herself was not "destroyed.

In the end, as with most things, it comes down to taking responsibility for yourself, not blaming others, recognising that if you want a situation to change, you have to change yourself first.

No good re-inventing the wheel therfore no need to learn only from one's own mistakes. Sometimes the misfortunes of others can provide an insight into one's own circumstances.

I do wonder how often this sort of scenario is played out, not only in France, but also in the UK?

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, Iceni.  I think it should have been entitled "How my selfish husband with my collusion destroyed our marriage and drove me to drink".

I think that's more accurate.  After all, I don't think you could blame someone else entirely for your own problems.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's true that you can't blame other people for your problems. On the other hand, most of us at some point in our lives need that extra bit of care and support to help us through a bad patch. For most this help comes from our partners. Obviously there was no chance of that in this case.

Hoddy
Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="sweet 17"]

No, Iceni.  I think it should have been entitled "How my selfish husband with my collusion destroyed our marriage and drove me to drink".

I think that's more accurate.  After all, I don't think you could blame someone else entirely for your own problems.

[/quote]

The English language has a word which covers this: 'we' !

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Funny job but when I read it I felt the lady was a tad nieve? We've lived here 2 years now and I don't think I'd even attempt to arrange car insurance over the phone, there where other comments in the artical that I thought were iffy to say the least, maybe I am looking at this from a blokes point of view????  Capricorn at that!!!

 

 

Charlie. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Being a bloke doesn't make me think that it wasn't pretty much the husband's fault; he may have been more burnt out than he or she realised, but right from the start he was too lax, little tugs by both could have kept them on the right track. Maybe she was a little naive and less able to cope than the others but then, part of the deal is ''for better or worse''; staying down the bar and picking up with someone else is not reasonable partnership behaviour. I'm glad she sounds like she's come through it but what a price; and what price has he paid. IMHO France was merely circumstantial, the chinks in their armour could have been covered by the other, in the final analysis, character flaws and lack of support/commitment to each other did the damage.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. [8-|]

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="powerdesal"][quote user="Catalpa"]Why didn't she just learn French? [:-))]



[/quote]

For some of us its not that easy, perhaps she found it very difficult and tended to rely on her fluent husband until it was too late.
[/quote]Anyway, this is a couple, and as such should, imo, be a mutual support group.  As the (more) assured French speaker of the two of us, I was very concerned about the move here from the o/h's point of view.  Not in so far as I was worried about whether or not he could do the formal stuff - because I was happy to do that - but just the general worry about it being difficult to live here if he couldn't have an informal, friendly chat with somebody other than me, occasionally.  I needn't have worried of course, but in the case here (as it is written, there may be more to it of course) the husband seemed to just shrug off all his responsibilities and ignore his partner's needs.

But, hey ho, selfish g*t in France, selfish g*t anywhere, I suspect.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="Catalpa"]Why didn't she just learn French? [:-))]



[/quote]

Easier said than done! 

We have been in France on and off for just over 2 years - OH has taken to the language like a duck to water but I am really struggling. We both attend lessons. OH goes off to the bar a couple of times a week and has lengthy conversations with the old local chaps and comes home buzzing with all the new phrases learnt.  Fortunately he gets home well before 3am, and having been to the bar with him, I don't think I need to worry about competition [kiss]! 

I do sympathise with the lady in the article and have been known to have the odd glass of wine myself [;-)] but for us living France is still fantastic.  I can have simple conversations with our neighbours and slowly but surely my language will improve but you do need the support of your OH. 

I do agree that the husband in the article should be interviewed before we totally slate the chap.  Nah on second thoughts he was surely a miserable unsupporting toad!

AGD 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="sweet 17"]

After all, I don't think you could blame someone else entirely for your own problems.

[/quote]

Of course you can blame someone else, that's what other people are for - especially when absent. Though it may be unjustified.

John

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="powerdesal"]

For some of us its not that easy, perhaps she found it very difficult...

[/quote]

Tell me about it. I find it extraordinarily difficult. [:D] My remark was intended to be flippant - but if I thought my life was going down the pan because I wasn't learning a language, I'm sure that would focus my mind wonderfully.

However, as others have observed, the marriage would perhaps have failed anyway. I wonder if the family are a sad example of "you can't run away from yourself and your problems just by moving to another country. Who and what you are follows you too..."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've always believed that what goes on 'behind closed doors ' should always remain there. Unless you were privy to all conversations how can you pass judgement?

To do so is a tad naive.

My cup (as an optomistic ) was always half full. The O/H as a pessimist was half empty. Who do you believe?

Am I cynical ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="Acegundog"]

[quote user="Catalpa"]Why didn't she just learn French? [:-))]

[/quote]

Easier said than done! 

We have been in France on and off for just over 2 years - OH has taken to the language like a duck to water but I am really struggling.

[/quote]

Then you and I are in the same situation then. My OH has shown remarkable (and, to him, surprising) aptitiude for the language. Hear a phrase once, repeat it back straight away in the conversation and he's acquired it. Me... no such luck. [;-)] However, I don't kid myself that the reason I've not made the progress he has is anything else but me being too lazy to put in the extra effort and spend the time studying (reading, listening, practising, learning by heart...) that I obviously require to get to the next level. Anyone can learn the language but we vary as to how easily we do so and therefore how much effort we need to put in. And we also need to identify and pursue the way of learning that's right for each of us.

Anyway, just off the collect my OH from the bar... [:P]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="Catalpa"]


Anyone can learn the language but we vary how easily we do so and therefore how much effort we need to put in. And we also need to identify and pursue the way of learning that's right for each of us.

[/quote]

You've not met my MiL - she thinks shouting loudly is all that is needed [:'(] but fortunately she only comes over here a couple of times a year and we keep her locked up whilst we go off to the bar together [B]

And yes I agree we must find the way that's best for each of us and sadly for me it's very slowly but 2 years ago I didn't imagine ever having a conversation totally in French - my old school chums are totally impressed as I showed no aptitude for foreign languages as a student!

Well, OH is away so I'd best go and get myself a glass of the special wine juice [:)]

AGD

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Interesting how many references were made to the effect of "he must get a job" "he is spending our life savings working on the property"

Wasnt that the plan?

What about "one of us will need to get a job to bring in some money"?

Ah but of course it would have to be him because he speaks French, isnt really doing much apart from renovating the property and she was far too busy drinking with neighbours to work.[6]

I dont rate her chances of making a living with an internet cafe, I have seen several started by naive youngsters (if not for the naive there would be no business start ups) only to fold very soon when the cotisation demands came in.

One other was closed by a spectacular raid as the proprietor hadnt registered, was employing his mates on the black and not paying any charges his-self.

Internet wine bar perhaps?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Integrate by drinking with local salt-of-the-earth peasants in your local bar;"    How often has THAT been said on these forums!

I think the mods should fix the profanity filter so that that suggestion is replaced by "Hang around your local bar with the local salt-of-the-earth peasants and become a loser just like them".   Doh!  

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="SaligoBay"]

"Integrate by drinking with local salt-of-the-earth peasants in your local bar;"    How often has THAT been said on these forums!

I think the mods should fix the profanity filter so that that suggestion is replaced by "Hang around your local bar with the local salt-of-the-earth peasants and become a loser just like them".   Doh!  

 

[/quote]

That's harsh!

The bar we use in the summer shuts down at the end of October and clears everything away - it's the local leisure area with canoes etc and often floods in the winter.  OH got to know the owner very well by "hanging around" there and then actually spent 2 days working for him (no pay for him, a case of wine for me for letting him work!) just so he could learn more and have 2 days solid french.  The daughter of the owner also wants to learn english so she comes to our house - she speaks english and we speak french - we wouldn't have got to know any of these good folk if we didn't "hang" around the bars!

AGD

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="SaligoBay"]Hang around your local bar with the local salt-of-the-earth peasants and become a loser just like them…

[/quote]

Could this be the same as the participation in the vibrant intellectual café-life for which France is celebrated that we were told about at school?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...