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Geordie Girl, was it really an email, or an email notification of a PM (private message)?  If you try to reply to a PM notification using your email it will bounce back as undeliverable, as it goes to "the system" .

To reply to a PM you can either click on the link in the email notification that you receive, or go to your private messages http://www.completefrance.com/cs/user/PrivateMessages/

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OK, I know, this is going to get me shot down in flames. And Widow Twankey will give me a right going over with the wooden spoon (chance would be a fine thing). But I have a slight niggling problem which has wandered round the old brain all day.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but admiration for anyone who can beat a serious addiction, and could also speak from personal and very tragic experience, BUT, perhaps through upbringing or personal persuasion, I am very, very uncomfortable with public witnessing and the choral supporting and approval which goes on round it, in any context. To such an extent that I revisited Pilgrim's Progress a little earlier and found it to be as I remembered, full of redeemed sinners witnessing their pasts and their new lives.

Is it a generation thing or is it because I feel these things to be intensely private that this thread makes me uncomfortable in the extreme?

Reasoned arguement and opinions in replies svp.

 

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Why, Curved Fuzzy Old Yellow Fruit?

Because Group Therapy is the most effective and long-lasting therapy for such problems. Far more effective than Psycho- Therapy; Psychiatry et al.

Confession helps to purge the soul and face reality; but most important, simply knowing that other people, whose opinions, shared experience and friendship, albeait cyber-friendship, are there rooting for you to win and actually care  is of huge importance.

That's precisely why AA and Weightwatchers work.

The first step with any compulsive addiction is to admit to yourself- and others- that you do in fact, HAVE a problem!

It is also rather like Chairman Mao's First Step: it's the hardest bit.

 

 

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Absolutely right on the ball, Rosy Red pomme maison!

One of the real problems with any neurosis or collection of neuroses is that the sufferer feels isolated, abnormal, useless, weak, incapable and above all else the only person in history weak enough to have the problem/s.

By sharing experiences (as has happened here) this boosts self-respect and self-esteem since the sufferer realises logically they aint the only one!

 

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Glue stick

Not wishing to be too pedantic but I just would like to say that group therapy is psychotherapy and indeed when I was studying most of the therapists in group sessions were psychiatrists.

I agree with your other sentiments and wish all the best to the people who have been so honest on here and although not 'therapy' if it in anway helps then that can only be good.

France faces an even greater problem with alcohol abuse than the UK, hopefully their days in denial are  coming to an end.

   

 

 

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One of the dire problems with human beings, Fuzzy One, is their inability to disclose emotion.

The English et al (i.e. UK natives) tend to very poor at showing and sharing emotion: stiff upper lip and all that.

Recovery therapy in this area starts with admission of the problem; then realising that one is not unique in having the problem/s.

Re-Building self-esteem is quite obviously a personal matter over time: that said, a more rapid recovery is associated with sharing the realities with both kindred souls and sympathetic outsiders. Which, of course, is precisely what Chad Vallah's Samaritans Organisation is all about.

The treatment of WW I soldiers, such as Marshal Fochs insistence on putting young men in front of a firing squad, "Pour encourage les autres!", and similar British Army treatment of young men suffering with what was incorrectly diagnosed as "Shell Shock" demonstrates not only the totally callous attitude of military and political leaders then, but the total ignorance of the then contemporary medical profession. Lack of Moral Fibre was of course the WW II blanket services descriptor for what we now know as Post Traumatic Shock Disorder. All textbook stuff now, of course.

A young man of my close acquaintance having served in both Iraq and Bosnia suffered severly from this. He is now recently promoted to his majority, thank goodness, having recovered. No wimp, served with the paras. Thus instead of shooting him, he is now returned to active duty and his valuable training is being well used by the army.

Maintaining the stiff upper lip, beloved of 19th cent. middle and upper classes, meant of course, the repression of turbulent inner emotions (still does) and led to all sorts of rather nasty outcomes, in terms of physical violence to those nearest and to servants who were powerless to complain, since no one would listen to them and there were no remedies to the poor.

 

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[quote user="Gluestick"]

One of the dire problems with human beings, Fuzzy One, is their inability to disclose emotion.

The English et al (i.e. UK natives) tend to very poor at showing and sharing emotion: stiff upper lip and all that.

Recovery therapy in this area starts with admission of the problem; then realising that one is not unique in having the problem/s.

Re-Building self-esteem is quite obviously a personal matter over time: that said, a more rapid recovery is associated with sharing the realities with both kindred souls and sympathetic outsiders. Which, of course, is precisely what Chad Vallah's Samaritans Organisation is all about.

The treatment of WW I soldiers, such as Marshal Fochs insistence on putting young men in front of a firing squad, "Pour encourage les autres!", and similar British Army treatment of young men suffering with what was incorrectly diagnosed as "Shell Shock" demonstrates not only the totally callous attitude of military and political leaders then, but the total ignorance of the then contemporary medical profession. Lack of Moral Fibre was of course the WW II blanket services descriptor for what we now know as Post Traumatic Shock Disorder. All textbook stuff now, of course.

A young man of my close acquaintance having served in both Iraq and Bosnia suffered severly from this. He is now recently promoted to his majority, thank goodness, having recovered. No wimp, served with the paras. Thus instead of shooting him, he is now returned to active duty and his valuable training is being well used by the army.

Maintaining the stiff upper lip, beloved of 19th cent. middle and upper classes, meant of course, the repression of turbulent inner emotions (still does) and led to all sorts of rather nasty outcomes, in terms of physical violence to those nearest and to servants who were powerless to complain, since no one would listen to them and there were no remedies to the poor.

Oh Gluestick,

I was afraid someone would mention the stiff upper lip and associated concepts, as well as the WW's. I would turn what you said on its head and say that the communitarization of these problems is merely a means of substituting one kind of dependence for another. It is only by individual  striving and dealing with problems that true solutions are found. Whatever modern thinking might say.

 

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[quote user="Nickel"]

Glue stick

Not wishing to be too pedantic but I just would like to say that group therapy is psychotherapy and indeed when I was studying most of the therapists in group sessions were psychiatrists.[/quote]

Yes of course, Nickel. Badly explained by me. Group therapy is one form of psychotherapy.

Thanks for the valuable and factual correction.

Anyone further interested much more good stuff here:

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/therapies/psychotherapy.aspx

   

 

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Wooly

Each and everyone of us has a different way of dealing with a crisis.  Like you, I am of the keep it all to yourself type of person.  I have often wished, when things were hard, that I could share a bit more.  But, there we are.......I actually prefer to work things out in private.

However, I can see that sharing something so very, very difficult, as Chris has done, forces one to face the problem head on.  No place to hide, no pretending it doesn't exist, no making out that you're OK, Jack.  That takes another, very special kind of courage.

Sometimes, making something public also means that there is no going back; after all, you have told everyone you've given up and you would feel such a failure if you then regress.  Therefore, the imperative of keeping on the straight and narrow becomes that much more pressing.  I believe that the success factor, according to some research, is higher when all is out in the open.

But, all of this is just argument for argument's sake.  For Chris and Meg, they don't really care how they succeed, they just mean to get there in the end.

It's a bit like the English rugby win; at the end of the day, it didn't really matter if it was a pretty game or not and it didn't matter even whether they played their best rugby.  It only mattered that they WON.

And I, for one, desperately wish Chris and Meg to WIN! 

 

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People are different in the ways they deal with problems. Some want to pour it all out and don't mind revealing their weaknesses. Others prefer to sort things out in their own heads. Some like the deep analysis approach and others a more practical goalbased approach. I tend to think like that Tag on this, as I said earlier  I don't like the confess-all, unburdening ethos of AA, but I know this suits some people very well. I think there are some online therapy groups too but they are mostly  american so that the time scale is different. ps posted just after sweet 17 so a few points in common.
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Hello woolybanana

There are many medical journals that illustrate the higher rates of mortality in France due to alcohol than UK.

The mortality per 100,000 in UK of alcohol related death is 11for males - 6 for females and in France the figure doubles to 28 for males and 14 for females.

There is the so -called French paradox which shows that an increase in alcohol consumption leads to a reduction in Ischaemic Heart Disease, however, this increase unfortunately doesn't protect against other alcohol related mortality.

45,000 deaths per annum are attributed to alcohol abuse either directly or indirectly ( accidents etc:) it is second only to deaths (avoidable)caused by tobacco.

I wasn't actually trying to make a point of who is better or who is worse but that there is a severe problem with alcohol abuse in France which until recently has been denied. 

 

 

 

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[quote user="woolybanana"]

OK, I am quite happy with the idea of admitting things to myself but why it is necessary to tell others? Why do these things have to be public?

[/quote]

Different people different things - and fortunately we're all different.

When I first saw Chris's thread I was pretty amazed that he had the ba!!s to come out with it "in public" - I wouldn't have said it but that's just me. Personally I think it's good that Chris feels able to talk about his problem in a way that others can identify with and I think it says a lot about the forum and many of the people in it that he feels able to do so and that so many others have contributed. However, just like wooly I also felt uncomfortable reading his post and the following threads but maybe because it's too close to home. Certainly alcohol dependancy is one of the pitfalls of living in France or Spain and it's an incidious demon (apparently) that can catch you unawares.  But just imagine if Chris had said: "I've been through some battles in my life but that was a toughie. It's

maybe four months now since stopping smoking and boy how good does it feel!" -  I imagine then that only smokers would have felt uncomfortable - the problem is that most of us drink!

Good luck with it Chris and I hope you beat it forever :)

Dammit, beaten by Sweet1è and Patf - nevermind :D

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Different strokes for different folks; like I said, it's not important to me who thinks what of me; I have nothing to hide and feel no shame so making this sort of stuff public isn't a problem to me.  If  someone breaks a leg then it's an obvious and socially acceptable injury; breaking your head seems not to be?

I can guarantee there are folk reading this who are in the crap and don't know what to do or where to turn, if it's uncomfortable reading then so be it, it's intended to be: I'd personally do what I could to help someone out who was really down, just as my French friends and neighbours have done...boy are they gold dust, the folk who cut and ran have their conscience to live with now.

Fair comment Betty.

Anyway I climbed a hoooge tree today...fun or wot! 

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Woolybanana, do you really think that an alcoholic thinks he has any self esteem left and so would be worried about what anyone else thought of him/her when he faces his problems and admits it openly on an open forum. Do you not think it took a lot of guts for chris and meg to admit they had a problem and decided to turn their lives around. Do you not think i felt better after posting on here today. I have had several pm's so it shows i'm not the only one struggling with an alcoholic brother/sister etc. I posted on here because i do not know any of you personally, and i don't discuss this with any body in my day to day life, here in France.  Alcoholism is an illness, the same as measles or cancer even. If you had measles, or cancer would you not discuss it, does it mean you would have low esteem cos you were admitting you needed help. Because if you didn't get help then there would be less chance of getting better. Without meaning to be rude, if the thread upsets you that much then don't read it.

Thanks everyone who emailed me today

And thanks cat, emails now sorted. Got my replies through.

Geordie girl

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Firstly I would like to say good on you Chris for bringing your problems to the surface and, I hope the advice and other experiences written on this thread will help you.  Last year, I found myself drinking with friends EVERY friday evening from 6pm afterwork to 8am the next morning.  Saturday would be spent in bed until around 6pm.  Sunday would be spent on the sofa dying and cringing and dreading work on monday. Then monday and, what can I say? What a life!

Although I now push the boat at say once every three months (yes I know all about binge drinking), I choose not to drink other than that.  I really dont see the point.  My weekend is now quality time.  I attend the gym 5 times per week, I am fit and have a clear positive mind.

I love this way of life my senses seem to be on full alert and have an inner happiness and sense of cleanliness within.

Keep it up guys.[:)]

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Thank you several people for your replies. Read my original thread and do  not react hysterically. In no terms am I belittling the problems involved, but I know the heroin situation so I think I can speak.

I really have no problem with your approach for you. It is the public aspect I personally  find uncomfortable. That I do not understand. By which I mean either the public need for confession and support or the sectarian approach of AA and similar organisations. For which description I thank a really high quality psychololgist who gave me that opinion ten minutes ago. Perhaps I am beginning to wonder if the public aspect is part of the cure or the problem.

Geordie girl, the thread is public and could well have been personal and private too. A choice was made and thus comment was invited.

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[quote user="woolybanana"]

Geordie girl, the thread is public and could well have been personal and private too. A choice was made and thus comment was invited.

[/quote]

But Chris Head chose to make the thread public and, apart from your feedback, the replies received have been truthful, honest, brave summaries of experience and encouragement. 

If you have a problem with discussing in public any issues you may have why not start your own thread or, do as you prefer and keep it to yourself.

By the way, I am more from your school of thought and sometimes wonder if it is healthy, but I usually get there in the end!

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