Gravestones

[Rose]

Not really sure where to pose these questions ....

For those of you who have become French residents, have you thought about what happens after you die ? Do you plan to be buried or cremated in France ? Will you want a gravestone that others can visit afterwards ? Do you care ?

I realise that this might be an uncomfortable area for some people, and I'm sorry - it's not something that I want to think about right now. However I've been asked to contribute quite a lot of money to maintain a family grave in the UK which I've never visited, nor am likely to, and so now I'm wondering about the ethical questions related to this. In one way it would be easier to just pay up, but what happens later ? I'd be passing the burden of this debt to my children.

If anyone feels like commenting I may expand on my thoughts - you may help me to develop them in fact.

With thanks,

Rose

[Chrissie]

Over the years I have spent a lot of money visiting, maintaining and having repaired various family gravestones and plots.  They are all in parts of the country where no family member now lives.  The thought of letting them rot away makes me feel guilty, although the generation which follows me will have no memory of these people and will doubtless feel differently.

In view of this, I decided a long time ago to have my ashes scattered.  I have asked for this to be done in a place where flowers grow, though this detail is obviously just sentimental rubbish!  I will (hopefully  [Www]  ) remain a happy memory to some people regardless of whether I have a tombstone or not.  And when no-one is left who remembers me, well, that's sorted then. 

Chrissie (81)

[Cerise]

On death of husband's parents we were a bit horrifeied to be given the deeds of the grave plot in UK.  We handed them back to the solicitor, told him we didn't want them and he could find someone else to deal with it.  My husband never visits the cemetery and I ask myself what is the point.  I like the idea of ashes scatered in the wild - but actually when I'm dead I don't supoose I'll care much.

[Cat]

In England (not sure about Scotland, Wales and Ireland) you are only the "owner" of a grave for a limited amount of time, after that you, or your family must renew the lease of the grave.  The laws in France have changed, and ashes cannot be kept in an urn in your home.  I don't much care what happens me after I'm gone, Mr Cat asked a couple of days ago if we should reserve a plot in the local cemetery, but for all I care they can twang me from the highest tree, a la Eddie Izzard.

I'd rather like my ashes to nourish the roots of a fine old tree, or a rose bush.  When I'm gone I'm gone.

[Val_2]

Hows this for horrible. A not too close friend died here inFrance about four years back now and was cremated.His widow never scattered the ashes,just kept him under the stairs and when she sold up and returned tothe UK she took the urn with her. Now her middle aged daughter is getting married and is having some of the ashes sewn into her wedding dress - can you imagine that especially if it rains or you forget about them and put it in for cleaning etc. YUK!

[Bannon]

Hmm. Not sure about those ashes.

I cannot believe you actually get your own ashes back - given the amount of people that get cremated each day at these places how on earth are they going to be kept separate? An old friend of mine who was (and still is) a vicar said that part of his training was to observe the cremation process and that ashes given over to relatives were a sort of 'mixture' of what was left over at the end of the day.   

Bless him, he even invited me to go and see how it was all done! I declined with mumbled thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

[Hoddy]

There is a company in the UK which will include a loved one's ashes in a purpose made piece of jewellery. The idea doesn't appeal to me, but perhaps it isn't very different from those Victorian hair lockets and brooches.

Hoddy

[Alex H]

[quote user="Bannon"]

Hmm. Not sure about those ashes.

I cannot believe you actually get your own ashes back - given the amount of people that get cremated each day at these places how on earth are they going to be kept separate? An old friend of mine who was (and still is) a vicar said that part of his training was to observe the cremation process and that ashes given over to relatives were a sort of 'mixture' of what was left over at the end of the day.   

[/quote]

I took this from a list of FAQs at Dudley Metropolitan Council - it was the first one to come up in Google [:)], but I assume it the same for others

"

Is more than one coffin cremated at one time in a cremator? 

No.

The only exceptions permitted to this rule are in the case of a mother

and baby or twin children where the next of kin request that the two be

cremated together.

How do I know I shall get the right cremation ashes? 

As

explained, each coffin is identified on arrival and the identity card

is placed on the outside of the cremator as soon as the coffin is

placed into it. The card stays there until the ashes are removed and it

is then transferred to the cooling tray. The ashes then go to the

preparation room and the card stays with them, finally being placed in

the urn which contains the prepared remains. As each cremator will only

accept one coffin, and the ashes must be withdrawn before the cremator

is used again, all cremation ashes are kept separate throughout the

process."

[Bannon]

Lets hope that's true and that our vicar was winding us up - he did have a warped sense of humour which must have come with the job.

Pleased to known then that it was my Mum's ashes we sprinkled in her favorite woodland and not someone else's.

[Clair]

Crematorium to help heat homes

[chrisb]

Are there any woodland or meadow burial sites in France? They are now in most areas of the UK and offer the best of both worlds, being more friendly to the environment than cremation but without having a "plot" that needs ongoing tending.

[Clair]

[quote user="chrisb"]Are there any woodland or meadow burial sites in France?[/quote]

http://vosdroits.service-public.fr/particuliers/F1114.xhtml?&n=Famille&l=N10&n=D%C3%A9c%C3%A8s&l=N165

(in Google English HERE)

[chrisb]

Thanks Clair!