Do I need to fall in love?

[Mr Coeur de Lion]

C'est veritas [;-)]

[TWINKLE]

Now this is what I love about this forum.  Lovely stories.

As you were!

[Fay]

Yay, liking this post very much. Well done Sweet17, and keep searching.

[mint]

Bonjour à tous!  Here I am to tell you all that I now utterly agree that falling in love is not only necessary, but that without doing that, you are sunk!

See, all you romantics have now converted me to your point of view.

Only thing now is, if I do fall in love in the next week or two, and I completely let my heart rule my head, what then?

There, do you have any answer?

I have decided NOT to buy the house that is right in all sorts of ways but which didn't engage my heart and now I am about to view a couple of houses that I might just love but that do not have the criteria I set out.

In my situation, what would you do?

What in fact did YOU do, when that happened to you?

Do you regret your impulsiveness?  How have you been punished or perhaps rewarded for falling in love?

Tell me, please, I need to know.  I need to have your guidance and, most of all, I need to keep my head (or is it my heart?) 

[just john]

We thought we'd rather have a place we loved and correct the bits that didn't work, (eventually! a bit like spouses think of their other halves), than a place that did work but that we really didn't care for[8-|]

[mint]

JJ, so Love conquers all? 

[Scooby]

[quote user="just john "]We thought we'd rather have a place we loved and correct the bits that didn't work, (eventually! a bit like spouses think of their other halves), than a place that did work but that we really didn't care for[8-|][/quote]

We thought that John - and it has cost us a fortune.  We're just coming to the end of the major jobs now - TG.  From this month we actually get to keep some money out of our pay checks instead of seeing it disappear off to some tradesman or other.  With hindsight we wished we had gone the other way and been a little more pragmatic and sensible!

[cooperlola]

Yes, Scooby, got the t-shirt!  I'm sure I'll be delighted with the result when/if we ever get the place finished as it will be just what I want, but there are days....  Although I am, I admit, still in love with the place and it would take quite  lot to make me move. 

One regret I have is that the neighbour seemed ideal (middle-aged woman on her own).  She has since moved and a family has taken her place.  I know it's a stupid, amateur mistake for us to have made but I really don't appreciate the yelps and screams of the brats playing in the garden opposite even though they are a really delightful family who are very kind and friendly.  The moral I guess is to beware of things about the house which you will not be able to control!

[AnOther]

Sorry to bring the thread down to earth but can you really fall in love with a house - what is love anyway ?

To fall in love implies at least some element of time so even if what you initially choose may not wholly fulfill your dreams in time it might come to, or it could equally go the opposite way, there is no way of knowing in advance.

It's not a great deal different to a marriage if you think of it. They all start out with high hopes and best intentions yet whilst some grow at the same time a great many die, and remember most people will spend a hell of a lot more time getting to know their prospective life partner than they will any house.

Somebody once described love as a mental image projected onto whatever person or object it fits with least distortion, nor very romantic but quite apt all the same I'd say.

Would we buy the same house given our time again ?

The honest answer is probably no but not for any reasons of disenchantment or regret. Having experienced the French life for over 2 years if buying again or moving we'd definitely choose something a bit closer to the village, something without a hill to the East so we get to see the sun that hour or so sooner in the winter, something not so closely surrounded by woods where the bloody leaves fall for weeks on end and are principally oak so don't really decompose.

As with any relationship there are pros and cons but overall we are more than happy with our lot (ha Lot - 46 get it) but in love with it, I don't think so.

[buelligan]

I love my home, but I think it was an arranged marriage.  When we first met, I was appalled.  The only thing to recommend it was the price (very cheap).  It was ugly, old, plasterless (though it was liberally coated here and there with modern grey cement).  It had no electricity, kitchen or flooring to speak of.  It is very small.  Since then I have put in electricity, learnt to plaster and plastered it, begun to decorate.  Demolished some walls and made a small courtyard garden.  Put in a poele (the first winter sans heat was the clincher). Built kitchen units.  Started to put plumbing upstairs.  Created a large vegetable garden on some vacant land I've been lent.  But much more importantly, I have been welcomed, embraced and accepted by my village, become a part of it.  I am happy and accepted and I thank the stars that sent me here every day when I wake up.  So yes, falling head over heels in love can be amazing but love nurtured diligently through hard work, mutual need and respect may last longer.  Who can say?[:D]

[mint]

That's really interesting, AnO, and is more the sort of account I was hoping people would come up with:  you know, just what they looked for, what they found, what influenced their decision and are they now happy with their choice.

We live in a house that I didn't fall in love with, but it was affordable (as we hadn't sold in the UK) and there wasn't anything about it that was glaringly horrid.  Now, with the stuff we'd done to it, I quite like it, particularly since we found the woods at the back for dog walking.

With the way the exchange rate is going and with one or two personal issues, I thought we'd move to be within a town or very large village.  I'm still ambiguous about urban living because what I most enjoy is pulling on some old clothes and walking the dog or working on the plot and perhaps not seeing anybody for a couple of days at a time.

I do recognise, however, that it might be more practical to be nearer amenities, especially since I pranged my car and we are still one car down.

This problem has been excercising my mind for weeks now and I am getting increasingly nervous about neighbours (see Cooperlola's post) and being surrounded by people.

In the normal course of events, I'd want to stay here until we are too old and/or too feeble to manage the place.  But now, I think that perhaps it's a good time to buy and whilst we can still afford to.

Does this make sense or am I just being wooly-headed?

[buelligan]

I think it makes absolute sense Sweet!  For most of my life I have chosen to live in remote areas (I preferred it that way), I had some truly lovely homes.  But life changes, I chose to cut my ties with "normal" life.  I realised that if I elected to live as I had in the past I would not be able to support myself financially.  I bought my home because it was the cheapest I could find.  It was in a village and I would definately have preferred to live in the open countryside but heigh-ho.  What a revelation!   I'm sure I was lucky, but I love my village, I love my neighbours and I wouldn't move out for anything!  Just choose your village (or town) with great care.[:D]

[mint]

[quote user="buelligan"]I love my home, but I think it was an arranged marriage.  When we first met, I was appalled.  The only thing to recommend it was the price (very cheap).  It was ugly, old, plasterless (though it was liberally coated here and there with modern grey cement).  It had no electricity, kitchen or flooring to speak of.  It is very small.  Since then I have put in electricity, learnt to plaster and plastered it, begun to decorate.  Demolished some walls and made a small courtyard garden.  Put in a poele (the first winter sans heat was the clincher). Built kitchen units.  Started to put plumbing upstairs.  Created a large vegetable garden on some vacant land I've been lent.  But much more importantly, I have been welcomed, embraced and accepted by my village, become a part of it.  I am happy and accepted and I thank the stars that sent me here every day when I wake up.  So yes, falling head over heels in love can be amazing but love nurtured diligently through hard work, mutual need and respect may last longer.  Who can say?[:D][/quote]

Blimey, Bue, you didn't just nurture it, I'd say you'd done a Pygmalion jobbo on it!

I'm full of admiration and you've given me a sharp reminder that perhaps I shouldn't rely too much on just falling in love after all.  Head and Heart, both have its place.

But, you know, what really interests me is what you've said about the price of the house and your budget. There have been so many times in the past when we've had to find inventive ways of dealing with problems in the houses we have bought because we couldn't afford the "ideal".

And, more often than not, it's worked out better in the end that we couldn't afford to throw money at the problems.

I reckon it's easier to make costly mistakes with houses when you do have a lot of money to spend on them.  The expensive and easy way isn't always the best. 

[Maricopa]

We have lived in our home here for 3.5years now.  When we bought it, we had narrowed down our choice between our home, and one other house in the next village.  Initially we offered on the other first, but a complication very rapidly became apparent, so we withdrew the offer and bought our home instead.  So, no "coup de coeur" here, indeed, most people thought we must be mad to buy it, but it was a very measured decision, based on knowing where we wanted to be and what our basic requirements were.  They are both in the centre of the village (we couldn't stand "splendid isolation").

After 3.5 years here, I wouldn't have any other house.  We have that very rare thing, a large garden in the centre of the village.  I had to take out 10 trees to transform said garden, its been hard work but so worth it.  We had no kitchen for the first three months, and were washing up in a bowl out in the jungle that was then the garden.  All that hard work has resulted in each day us being more in love with our house, our village and the people we share our daily lives with.  Its not all a bed of roses, but what long term relationships are?[:D]

[Scooby]

[quote user="sweet 17"]

But, you know, what really interests me is what you've said about the price of the house and your budget. There have been so many times in the past when we've had to find inventive ways of dealing with problems in the houses we have bought because we couldn't afford the "ideal".

And, more often than not, it's worked out better in the end that we couldn't afford to throw money at the problems.

I reckon it's easier to make costly mistakes with houses when you do have a lot of money to spend on them.  The expensive and easy way isn't always the best. 

[/quote]

We have done a lot of the work ourselves.  Well, my sister and I have.  Our working patterns mean we can go to France on a regular basis (unlike my OH! - which is a bone of contention!).  We have plastered, puttied, broken up concrete, done some of the joinery, stripped and sanded floors, doors and shutters, cleaned stonework (bicarb paste works brilliantly), done a salvage operation in the garden (discovered a patio under a foot of soil and undergrowth!) ...  But some jobs are beyond us - for example, we have had the house re-roofed, rewired, had a new staircase installed, a new balcony and a had a large wood burner fitted etc. - all jobs that are beyond the scope of the average DIYer. We originally got some teasing from our (male) neighbours but, having seen some of the things we have done, they now don't bat an eye lid and frequently come around to show us how.  We did get raised eyebrows at the hire shop when we went to buy a sledge hammer.  The sales guy looked at these two petite females in front of him and asked us what we planned to use it for.  When we told him it was to smash up concrete his face was a picture of disbelief!

[mint]

And I thought I'd done well re-painting all of the inside of the house myself.  Some of the walls felt as big as cliff faces and about as high.

Had to get right up to the top of the ladder to get near the ceiling beams to paint carefully so as not to get emulsion on the wood.

But clearly, some of you are in a different league to me and I shan't ever again say any more about my puny DIY efforts.

[Scooby]

I think the classic, Sweet, was the puttying.  We had come back from the DIY shop armed with various bits and pieces - which included a tub of putty.  Our neighbour immediately announced that puttying was a specialist job - not for amateurs.  We said that it can't be much different than icing a cake - at which point he rolled his eyes in disbelief in that inimitable French way and said that, when we had discovered he was right, he would point us in the direction of a good professional.  Once finished, we took great delight in pointing out that our theory worked and it was just like cake icing [;-)]

[mint]

Right then, I shall bear all your comments in mind when/if I do fall in love with a place with dodgy putty in the windows.

That's my problem in a way:  I go and see a house and all I see is the work that I'd need to do to it before I'd want to live there.

That and the COST of course..........enough to put me right off.  And, in a way, I wish I didn't have to go and view houses though I quite like looking at internet sites for houses.

I'm not quite brave enough to do what Richard did:  buy off-site (yes, off-site, not off-plan).

It would be a bit like the farmer advertising for a wife and putting in the advert:  wife with tractor needed; please send picture of tractor.

[Gardengirl]

There are people on here who've built up amazing skills while doing up their homes! I've not been bad over the years at being a builder's/electrician's/plumber's/decorator's mate, but I'm very impressed by the work some have got on with!

Have you narrowed down areas or even towns and villages you would fancy, Sweet? I know you've been to look at some places already. It certainly makes perfect sense to move sooner rather than later if you're sure that's what you want to do; life has a way of getting in the way at times!

It's interesting about neighbours; we've always been lucky with them in UK, apart from one, who had problems and accused me of wanting her husband -  a sweet old Pole, short, fat, bald, few teeth, when I had my own lovely handsome hunk of a hub! (Well, I think so!). We'd never lived absolutely on top of people, as it were, so buying an apartment in France was a total unknown in more than one area.

Our neighbours (50 apartments) are mostly French, English or Belgians. They range from permanent French residents to others who only visit in the holidays, with others spending varying amunts of time there - we're there for about 6 months of the year, several weeks at a time, and seem to be regarded as honorary permanents. It 's been a sort of social experiment in miniature, and we've found it so interesting to watch the interaction between neighbours. Some became sworn enemies almost on sight, some immediate life-long friends, as with us and one of our French neighbours - we have so much fun and so many laughs together! We get on well with all those we've actually met, have aperos or meals with quite a few, while a number are just on polite terms, exchanging formalities. Then there are those who don't abide by the rules; one couple have had a couple of parties out on their terrace till 2 in the morning, then began the clearing up! They and another couple have barbeques and fish smells waft up; somebody decided to go for a loud midnight swim! My good French neighbour explodes, tells us they are poorly educated French - what can we expect from them?! The French neighbours seem to hate any 'uneducateds', which seems to consist of anyone being unsociable.

We think we're very lucky to have found our place, even though it wasn't at all what we set out to buy. It's a perfect lock up and leave place in one of our most favourite small towns; we don't need to use the car unless we choose to, as almost everything is 5 minute walk away. There is great peace for most of the year, when only a few neighbours are in residence, with sunshine on our balcony all day for most of the year. 5 minutes awy, the locals are very friendly and helpful, shopkeepers always notice we're back, the area is lovely. We absorb the rhythm of the countryside in our walks and drives, watch the work in the vineyards, see and feel the excitement of the town getting town ready for Christmas, the fountain being decorated, the ice rink being built etc. The crowds in the market dwindle as autumn approaches, I enjoy going to market later as the crowds have gone. But I also love the feel of summer approaching, the chat with shopkeepers about the number of Belgians and Dutch who've arrived, the heat and the crowds gradually build up....... and then we're off to UK again to tend the garden, don't even meet the summer neighbours.

We really love it there, and it's so small we have to be very tidy, which makes housework quick! It wasn't what we wanted, but it's perfect for us now; if we ever decide to live there full-time, the size would be a problem, but we'd not want to move anywhere else. It's home, just as much as our home here in UK. [:D]

GG

[Gemonimo]

I guess it depends upon how much time and lolly one has, but if I was going to leave my present home I'd design and build (correction, have built... I don't have the talents of all the DIY posters!) an eco-home.  That way I'd get what I want, where I want  and no big heating, electricity etc bills.

[just john]

[quote user="sweet 17"]JJ, so Love conquers all? [/quote]

Not everything sweet, but it's not a bad start!, of course Location, Location, Location, that was love at first sight. Our place is on top of a hill, views all round, (and no neighbours within 100 metres).

[quote user="Gemonimo"]I guess it depends upon how much time and lolly one has, but if I was going to leave my present home I'd design and have built an eco-home.  That way I'd get what I want, where I want  and no big heating, electricity etc bills.[/quote]

We struck lucky, a barely habitable renovation with room to new-build (in fact our first preference, though things change and the architect drew a renovation plan for the old house that gave us the best of all worlds, so new insulated floors throughout and a new roof with pre-built insulated rafters and ceiling panels give me the expectation that costs should be acceptable.

[quote user="Scooby"][quote user="just john "]We thought we'd rather have a place we loved and correct the bits that didn't work, (eventually! a bit like spouses think of their other halves), than a place that did work but that we really didn't care for[8-|][/quote]

We thought that John - and it has cost us a fortune.  We're just coming to the end of the major jobs now - TG.   [/quote]

Well you and me both Scooby, but comparisons with other properties are not dissimilar on costs, and its big enough to enjoy living there with or without guests, friends have bought new and are still spending too, their comments start of course ''We thought buying new would eliminate the problems, but it wasn't quite . . . .

[quote user="AnOther"] Would we buy the same house given our time again ? The honest answer is probably no but not for any reasons of disenchantment or regret. Having experienced the French life for over 2 years if buying again or moving we'd definitely choose something a bit closer to the village, something without a hill to the East so we get to see the sun that hour or so sooner in the winter, something not so closely surrounded by woods where the bloody leaves fall for weeks on end and are principally oak so don't really decompose. As with any relationship there are pros and cons but overall we are more than happy with our lot (ha Lot - 46 get it) but in love with it, I don't think so.
[/quote]

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, we thought we had eliminated most of the negatives, we're on top of a hill so views and sun (and breeze) all round, I like the woods and fortunately have a field inbetween. There are three villages just a kilometre or so away in either direction, though one with shop cafe/bar restaurant has recently lost them all and attempts by the Marie to encourage new tenants have so far failed, hope yet though; another village has become golf bungalow land[:-))], the third village has a thriving community with a Mairie that welcomes incomers and has almost every facility (doctor, dentist, vet, pharmacy, supermarche, boucherie, boulangerie, epicerie, several bars and cafe etc just a cycle ride away.
For better or worse I still love it. [8-|]

[britgirl]

For me, it's where I feel content.

I was always the more practical, and the 'Roses around the door' did not appeal. When we bought our home in France, we went against the 'norm' because we chose a more modern house (built in the early 90's).  We had viewed many 'desirable' properties, (fairly inexpensive, but the renovation costs.....) but they did not inspire . I loved the fact that it was fairly isolated, but within  walking distance of the local village. It wasn't huge, but plenty big enough  to be able to have friends/family to stay, without falling over each other. More importantly, we were able to live without having to worry to much about bills etc.

A change of personal circumstances meant I wanted to return to the U.K. If I could have I'd have brought my  French house with me. 

When looking for my new home, I used certain criteria, and one of them was being able to have a cup of tea in a sunny back garden.. Sometimes it's the most simple things that make the differance.

 

[mint]

Hi, Britgirl, glad you're enjoying life in Weymouth.  Of course, Weymouth's gone very upmarket these days but the harbour was always a charming place to be.

"The most simple things that make the difference":  now you've really got me thinking.

I am rapidly revising my criteria.  I think I'll buy another place in the country but within walking or cycling distance to amenities.

After all, what I most like is avoiding people (especially unwelcome visitors), walking my dog and pottering around the garden.

A place where people would find it awkward to just "drop in" would be fantastic.

Watch this space, I think I am about to fall in love.  Will have a couple of blind dates arranged by early next week.

[Mr Coeur de Lion]

Sounds like my place you're talking about sweet.

At the back of my house, views of the countryside.

To the front, the village.

A nice large garden that needs some expert love and attention. Perfect for your dog.

And I rarely get unwelcome visitors. When I do, I simply don't answer the door.

[Fay]

Good luck, Sweet 17!