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What is the correct etiquette for inviting French couples?


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I have recently noticed a strange thing which has never hit me before.

I recently invited 2 French couples, whom I thought I knew reasonably well, to lunch.  Actually, it was a surprise celebratory lunch which I took great care to explain and it was therefore arranged at short notice.

Both husbands were at work and both wives turned down the invitation.

So....my question is this:  is it absolutely NOT comme il faut for French women to accept social invitations without their OHs?

Call me common but, personally, I'd accept or not depending on my own wishes and availability either here or in the UK!

Have I been making the most unimaginable faux pas?[:-))] 

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 If I knew that there was a risk that either of the spouses could be at work then I would make sure that they realised that I would be happy with half a couple. I cannot remember anyone not coming to dine because their other half was at work. We always knew shift workers and nurses, so there was always the risk that our invites would not fall in with someone's work cycle.

You'll have to word your invitations differently in future Sweet17.

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I invited a French woman to lunch once, (special circumstances, we were both starting work for the same association at 2pm, for which she came specially from some way away). She turned  down the invitation, because her husband came home for lunch every day, she was be expected to serve him (!), and he would not tolerate her defection. I was so shocked and at first, thought it was a joke! Mais non!
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You do not surprise me, a friend's mother in France always serves her husband and then eats afterwards. My friend does not do this, much to her mother's annoyance.

I am wondering if my friends would not be my friends if they were not 'liberated' women.

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[quote user="woolybanana"]Quite like the idea of being served, but surely the lady can sit down at the same time and eat.[/quote]

My ex-belle mere used to serve everyone and then retire to the kitchen to eat alone.... and no one ever made any comment about it until I did[:-))] I was persona non grata from that moment on. 

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My wife and I were invited to a meal with an Indian family who live near us in the UK. The man is a good friend, but we had never met his wife.

The food was stunning, loved every bit of it. But our enjoyment was spoiled by the fact his wife and daughter were not allowed to sit with us. They waited on the table wearing their traditional Indian clothing and ate in the kitchen. We all got together for coffees in the lounge after the meal was finished.

During the meal, I pleaded with our host to allow his wife and daughter to sit with us, but he said they would not as they knew no other way and would be uncomfortable.

I do respect other people's cultures, but I find situations like this one very unfair and can understand why many women get fed-up with what is perceived as being second class. I would have gladly sat in the kitchen with them, but was also told I could not do that!

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I'm glad you have replied, 5-e, because I so wanted a French angle on this.

One of the female friends is a liberated type who admires Colette, Simone de Beauvoir, Georges Sands, etc and whose husband even does some cooking sometimes.  I have known her for as long as we have lived in France and we often exchange emails and speak on the phone.  Unusually for a French woman of her age, she has travelled widely outside of France.  I thought we understood each other and we have spent time in each others' homes.  So, I was completely flabbergasted....

The other woman lives in a house within sight of ours across fields and it wasn't as though she was going somewhere unknown to her.  She passes our house several times a week and, on a number of occasions, we have had the odd apero in either our house or in theirs.  Not only that, she is attending English class and I thought I'd introduce her to some English people so that she could hear them talk together.

So, I'd know what to expect in future.

Interestingly, I have invited some French widows in the past for drinks and the invitations have always been happily accepted.  I guess once the old man has popped his cloggs, it's socially acceptable to spend time with whomever you choose!

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[quote user="sweet 17"]

Interestingly, I have invited some French widows in the past for drinks and the invitations have always been happily accepted.  I guess once the old man has popped his cloggs, it's socially acceptable to spend time with whomever you choose!

[/quote]

[:D][:D][:D]

 

 

 

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As I said Sweet, you'll have to invite in a slightly different way and they should come, like inviting the ladies and saying that if their other halves are going to be free, to bring them along too.
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You are possibly right, idun, but I can't possibly comment!

I read about super injunctions, tacky Welsh ladies crying in public because they claim to have had a 6-month relationship with some footballer whose name we don't know (on account of their super injunction), about the business with the Big Guy French politican, about Arnold Swazen-what's his name and his child conceived with his "maid", and Big Ears Andrew Marr (of all people) having nookie on the side.....I don't know what to make of all this except that the media paints an unremitting tableau of men unable to contain their libido, or whatever it's called, and it's HARD to draw any very positive conclusion about that strange species called "men" [:D][:P][:'(][6][8-)][I][;-)][Www][geek]

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This lovely lady is actually quite discerning as to whom I succomb to, if succomb is the right word? I was never interested in wealth or power. Odd, quirky and makes me laugh are very attractive traits as far as I am concerned.

One of my best friends was asked out and persued almost relentlessly by a famous footballer in the 1970's. She said no, and then she told him to go away, I would suppose in the colourful language she could occassionally use when the circumstances demanded it.

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