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Separate Beds, Separate Bedrooms


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I have some very good friends in France. These ladies are all around my age so late 50's maybe earlier 60's. And at least half of them either sleep in a separate bed to their spouse, or in fact in another bedroom and in one case in a completely different part of the house.  And they have been living like this for quite a number of years. And I don't know if they ever actually 'share' a bed at all these days, due to surprise, I was too slow to ask and the moment was lost once the conversation had moved on.

One of them brought her grandson round to our french house and for some reason he wanted to look around. A five year old asked me which was my bedroom and which was my husband's. And the little fella looked slightly taken aback when I said that we shared.

Strangly,one of those who was still sleeping with her husband has recently divorced after nearly 40 years of marriage.

None of us know what goes on in other people's homes, but I don't know of anyone who does this in England, at all.  Although I will go and get in another bed or actually get up  if I have a cough as I did last winter, as I was sat up in bed coughing like a seal all night and in much pain. No point in everyone in the house losing sleep, my cough was so bad. 

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It seems that the Royal Family have separate bedrooms. I remember nearly 30 years ago when an intruder broke into her majesty's room there was some discussion in the press as to why they were using separate rooms.  Mind you they can afford larger houses than most of us[:)]
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Many years ago our youngest daughter was complaining that she had the smallest bedroom , "and it isn't fair". So trying to be diplomatic, or rather trying to worm my way out of a tricky situation, I explained that she was the last one to join The family and that was the only room that was left.  I then added that she should be happy to have her own room as I had to share with her mother, she thought about it for a moment and said " Yeh; OK Dad I hadn't thought of that." [:D]
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The only thing I do know 'here' in the UK is that quite a few couples we know do not always go to bed at the same time. ie I go to bed between 1 and 2 and have done for years. Rare it is earlier, although not unheard of either. He goes to bed usually between 10 and 11.

 I'm not fond of reading in bed, prefer to be in the living room or a room with a comfy chair.

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Sleep deprivation for one of the 2 people, is often what leads to separate bedrooms.

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article6008921.ece

Interestingly, there seems to be many studies done, and articles written, on that very topic.

I haven't been able to share a bed with my husband (or the one before that, or the other one in between) for many years, as I am an appalling sleeper (ever since babyhood!) and need to be encased in a capsule away from the world. As for OH, he falls asleep SECONDS after he hits the sack. It enrages me.[:)]

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5E just read that article, and I hate sleeping alone, I really really do. When I am home alone or away alone I never sleep well, not good for me.

So even if 'we' shouldn't sleep together, that idea doesn't feel right to me,because I'm not convinced in the circumstances our early ancestors lived in that they were not all snuggled up together to keep warm.

A few  years ago I started to have sleep problems, not surprising with what was going on in our lives, but I went and had hynotherapy to regain 'my' sleep pattern. I can cope with life when I have slept properly.

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What, that is bordering on the obscene to me. I am nocturnal, hate mornings, 'orrible time of day. Why would anyone get up at that time. I used to love working nights and going to bed at that time.
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When I was a young adult, I knew quite a few couples who slept in separate bedrooms and many more who had twin beds.  I was told it was a very middle class thing to do!

I remember when I was househunting, Coops suggested that OH and I had separate bedrooms so that I could have my piano in my bedroom and OH could have the TV in his.

I must say I do think that that is an inspired idea though I haven't yet tested that out.  I am a bit worried that the poor dog will spend all night going from one bedroom to the other, unable to make up her mind which of us she prefers to be with! 

Before anyone tells me off, I must emphasise that she sleeps on her own bed on the FLOOR of our bedroom and not actually on the bed.  When there's a thunderstorm, of course the rule is bent a bit and she is allowed to hide her head under our duvet. 

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The previous ladyfriend and myself (early 30`s) generally slept together but had a spare bedroom which would be used by either of us at any time due to her snoring like a faulty chainsaw and me snoring like an old tractor starting from cold. Whoever was disturbed by the others noises would retreat to the second bedroom for some peace and quiet.

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I think there's a lot to be said for sleeping in separate rooms if either of you is a snorer. You don't have to start off in separate rooms, of course ... but I found it essential with my last partner. Even across the landing I could still hear him snoring, and lack of sleep because of him didn't lead to a great feeling the next morning. Few of us have the same sleep patterns as our partners and I think it's a great idea.
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[quote user="dave21478"]The previous ladyfriend and myself (early 30`s) generally slept together but had a spare bedroom which would be used by either of us at any time due to her snoring like a faulty chainsaw and me snoring like an old tractor starting from cold. Whoever was disturbed by the others noises would retreat to the second bedroom for some peace and quiet.

[/quote]

[:D][:D][:D]

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MOH and I celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary in April and for at least 3/4 of that time we have had separate bedrooms.  MOH is a light sleeper who falls asleep instantly and snores, but is also very easily disturbed and then can't fall asleep again. I like to read in bed before going to sleep and I simply can't fall asleep next to someone who snores!  He likes lots of bedding and an electric blanket, whereas I prefer lighter bedding and a hot-water bottle. [:D]

We tried separate beds in the same bedroom for a while, but the disturbance problems were still there so separate bedrooms it was.  It took a bit of getting used to, but now neither of us can imagine ever sharing a room again. We've never made a secret of it and our children and grandchildren take it completely for granted.

 

.

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