Adoption etc

[idun]

I have read a couple of things in the last couple of days about white british couples adopting or fostering children who are not white and there being a problem with the children not 'knowing' their own culture.

I was sort of flabbergasted, as in France, I know quite a few 'white' people who had adopted 'non white' children and in France, these children are simply their parents children and french, that is who and what they were being brought up as.

One boy's parents, the boy being from Korea, made sure that he knew where Korea was and they found some information about the country, but it still did not alter the fact that in their minds, he was french.

Is there anything wrong with the french way or at least those I know, of looking at this. It seems very normal and healthy to me. In fact I would say that the more anyone dwells on a child being 'different' will make them feel different and alienated and that is surely wrong?

[woolybanana]

You naughty girl Pauline, the Thought Police will take you out and hang you by your ankles until you retract such politically incorrect nonsense.

We all know that the British way of inflicting maximum delays on a child leaving care while a racially acceptable family is found is the best. And that the French are seriously mentally challenged in these matters

[Russethouse]

The way adoption in general in the UK now amazes me....I have a relative who has adopted three siblings, the other day the head mistress of the childrens school introduced her to another mother on the grounds that she too had an adopted child! I found that pretty odd, surely once the adoption is complete they are supposed to be a family like any other?

In addition when the children's mother produced another baby they were offered the child, they declined, but are in contact with that babies adoptive parents, and would you believe it , when the birth mother had yet another child this babies adoptive parents were offered that one......

Also adoptive parents are obliged to write to the children's birth mother to update them on the children's progress etc.....

In another case a couple had adopted a boy who is now 7/8 , ( they have had him since he was about 6 weeks old) he is an only child and his parents have him involved in quite a lot of activities etc and he is thriving....a couple of months ago the parents were contacted to see if they would like their sons birth brother despite the fact that the baby was still in special care while they were waiting to see what effects his mothers drug dependency had ...they admitted the new child may need 24/7 care which would have taken away his potential adoptive mothers ability to work which meant a huge impact on the life of the happily adopted little boy......plain thoughtless IMHO but it lead to a lot of upset and soul searching

[idun]

I worked with a woman who was adopted, she found her birth mother who was not interested, found out she had siblings..... also not interested. And that was a long time ago.

Friends in the UK adopted some kids, about the same age as mine. And one of them has been very ill for years, mental health type problems. There was always some contact with this child's birth mother, who they saw marry and have a few kids and a happy family. It isn't as if my friend's kids have not been brought up in a happy family, but having one's nose rubbed in a family scene from which they have been a reject, seems like it is awfully cruel and utter nonsense. A la mode evidentally at the moment. About time it was knocked on the head.

I don't actually know anyone in France who has adopted a white french baby, surely it must happen? So I have no idea what would be expected.

[idun]

Wooly, moi naughty...... I can think of many ways of being naughty, even very naughty, but not about this[blink].

[Catalpa]

[quote user="idun"]One boy's parents, the boy being from Korea, made sure that he knew where Korea was and they found some information about the country, but it still did not alter the fact that in their minds, he was french. [/quote]

Thank goodness your kids are grown, Idun, because I'm sure social services would have removed them from you to a place of safety until you recanted such practical, common sense notions.

I do see the point of kids understanding 'where they came from*' but that is often going to be a housing estate somewhere in multi-cultural Britain. In which case skin colour is surely immaterial so the efforts to ensure Caribbean (or wherever) culture is conveyed ideally by adoptive parents of the same heritage seems bonkers to me and puts political correctness way ahead of the welfare of a child.

* and only when they're old enough and if they show an interest

[Catalpa]

[quote user="Russethouse"]I have a relative who has adopted three siblings, the other day the head mistress of the childrens school introduced her to another mother on the grounds that she too had an adopted child! I found that pretty odd, surely once the adoption is complete they are supposed to be a family like any other?[/quote]

You'd think. Well, I would too.

Perhaps the headmistress was, in a clearly misguided way, thinking that adoptive parents must face similar problems (problems?) and therefore would be able to support each other. Bit like introducing two sets of parents who both have autistic children perhaps... [blink]

[Russethouse]

Maybe you would, but what about privacy issues, or even asking both parties BEFORE you just go ahead and do it...

When I was young a lady in our village adopted a baby, after a few weeks everyone just treated it as her child and forgot, or at least put to the back of their mind, any differences.

[Catalpa]

[quote user="Russethouse"]Maybe you would, but what about privacy issues, or even asking both parties BEFORE you just go ahead and do it... [/quote]

You misunderstood me. I meant to convey that - agreeing with you - you'd think that once adoption is complete, they are supposed to be a family like any other. And... I would think like that too.

However, thinking further... I suppose that obviously different backgrounds - white family with Indian or Chinese child for eg (or, of course, the reverse... I wonder if that ever happens in the UK?) makes it visually difficult for an adoption family to look like any other. But even with that, it's no one else's business really... and certainly not a headmistress's.

[Clarkkent]

[quote user="Catalpa"]

However, thinking further... I suppose that obviously different backgrounds - white family with Indian or Chinese child ...

[/quote]

I heard a story about a couple who adopted a Chinese child. They were asked constantly how they would ensure she was going to be kept in touch with "her culture". Their reply was that they were going to bind her feet.