Ferry For Sale

[Furry Knickers]

I think we should all club together and buy our own ferry! what do yous think? We could form our own company and float it on the stock exchange as well as on the Channel! Imagine if everyone that used a ferry alot, put in £4 each! thats only the price of a 5 pack of Matterland tea towels!

I found one for sale here http://www.shiplink.info/contents1.asp?refno=9865 for 1.5 million knickers. We might even get one cheaper than that, who knows? I know a lad in County Clare that offers a ferry service across the Shannon, and he makes nearly £17 in pure profit every day in the outer peak seaon, and that can double up in the high peaks of summer!

We could call it Little Muffin (after me brother Linus) He loves boats and trees with yellow flowers.

When I was a lad in County Kildare, I had a toy submarine that would go under the water if you put this white powder in it called barbituates of soda, I can't remember now! but it was a great watching it going down and then it would pop up again. I used to put woodlice on it as passengers and charge them a small fee. I would not put a poor woodlouse on it now though! They remind me of minature Armadillos.

 

 

 

[Tresco]

I had a quick look, and there was no picture! Very dissappointing.

It's certainly a very futuristic boat though, what with the date of manuafacture given at top left as 2008.

Sod the ferry idea, let's get a Tardis instead.

I like that Corbusier style chair in your new Avatar Mr Nix

[Nick Trollope]

Once upon a time, a group of French farmers wanted to sell their onions to the people of Plymouth (what was wrong with their bikes is beyond me). So, they each gave up Gauloise for 1 day and bought a boat.

What shall we call it? they said. Brittany Ferries was the unanimous reply. Or summat like that.

Are you sure about this?

Of course, Will the Conq will blow me down in a mixed metaphor as I am probably talking complete (er) bollcoks...

[Will]

Nick - vous disez la vérité - absolument, as one says around these parts. Of course, it's come on a bit since then, but that's pretty much exactly how it started. I know a guy who wrote a book about it (you can buy copies on their ships) or you can get confirmation here http://www.brittany-ferries.co.uk/index.cfm?articleid=7&CFID=12825890&CFTOKEN=64165492. The only variation concerns the popular myth that it was French onion sellers who were responsible for the whole thing, whereas it was actually farmers wanting to flog their artichokes and cauliflowers (though who in Plymouth actually eats artichokes?) And when you think about it that's logical, cos the onion sellers wouldn't have needed a real ferry, they could have carried their bikes on any old boat.

If we could get one for four quid each I think we should jump at the chance - seriously though you are looking at around US$1 million upwards to buy a ferry that the authorities in this part of the world would consider allowing to operate in the Channel, there are some cheaper ones around but they are strictly for the third world or Greek Islands. Though this one looks fun at a mere $165,000... http://shipexpo.com/sales/vessel_detail.asp?FileNo=2474. How many registered users do we have? That's how much each? Can I pay double and be captain?

[Alcazar]

<<When I was a lad in County Kildare, I had a toy submarine that would go under the water if you put this white powder in it called barbituates of soda, I can't remember now! but it was a great watching it going down and then it would pop up again. I used to put woodlice on it as passengers and charge them a small fee. I would not put a poor woodlouse on it now though! They remind me of minature Armadillos.>>

And you'd had how many red wines when you wrote this?

It did make me smile though. I too remember those subs, IIRC they were free in Cornflakes, and used BICARBONATE of soda not Barbiturates, (I had visions of drugged up woodlice)

Miniature Armadillos?

Alcazar

[Furry Knickers]

[quote]I had a quick look, and there was no picture! Very dissappointing. It's certainly a very futuristic boat though, what with the date of manuafacture given at top left as 2008. Sod the ferry idea, l...[/quote]

Mrs Tresco

Here is a picture of a ferry to keep you from being dissapointed!

 

 

 I believe I was a Corbusier chair in a former life! There is a certain infinity between me and me chair. I get these vibrations when I sit in it, I just go a bit quare! I was in Asda last night, and without warning I acted like a chair right next to the Sponge trifle fingers. I never knew a thing untill this large woman was being removed from me while eating her Chocolate eclairs! I had cream smudged all over me lovely coney coat.

I think Mr Conker could be the driver of our boat, because he knows a lot about boats and boaty things in general. I saw the QM2 in Le Havre on me last trip! She is lovely, but I still prefer the old QE2 meself! Them new ships all look like blocks of council flats to me. QE2 is so sleek and elegant and gracefull, very like Lauren Bacall.

That thing you mention about the artichokes reminds about this old woman back in County Kildare! Her name was Mrs Hennessy, and she used to get me to go to the shop for her, she would say "furry lad, bring me up half a pound of them farty yokes, a quarter of iced carmels and a sliced pan, and get yourself a chew" I would eat me chew on the way back to her house, and I would eat a couple of her iced carmels too! When I would get back to her house with the few messages, she would let me stroke her cat as a special treat for being so good. I hated stroking her cat though! it was really mangey with strange grey curly hair and all these things living in it. I have never seen a curly haired cat since then! I wonder can you still get them?

 

[The Riff-Raff Element]

Can we serve decent beverages? The coffee on BF is beyond a joke. I took mine back last time and complained with sufficient force in the correct language that a cup of something potable was finally produced from behind scenes (drivers lounge probably, though I like to fantisise that they mugged the captain for his personal supply, and I wouldn't be surprised if they spat in it or did something equally unpleasent).

I've always been mystified by the dubious quality of food and drink on BF boats. Being as what they are French and all I would expect them to be keen to make a point about their culinary superiority, but instead they serve "food that would make a German blush" as my marvellously politically incorrect chef friend has it. Steaks cut from old shoe leather, sandwiches that consist of half a pound of mayonaise and a slice of plastic ham served on Mother's Pride (my mother would have prefered dental tortue rather than be associated with that stuff), and as for the fish and chips...

Still, at least they don't object to my taking a picnic.

[Alexis]

Oh!  Oh!  Oh!!  BRYAN  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Or is it Brian?  Perhaps he is that sexy snail.

Please warn me before you put up pictures of the Sexist Man in The World.  I will have to lie down now.

Anyway.  What I wanted to ask was could I be in charge of the restaurant?

 

ps.  did you buy that giraffe on e-bay? 

[Tresco]

I want to be the cabin boy.

Having held this position for several years I know I am qualified;

Who do I apply to? (see how focussed I am, that must count dor something)

[Miki]

After reading this thread and looking at all the ferries for sale, I have come to the conclusion that unless we have a shy and retiring Roman Abromovich benefactor in our midst, we ain't gonna be able to afford one so.....

Having been a succesful entrepreneur and seller of many varied blow up jobbies, I shall therefore soon be starting on my latest invention.........

A blow up Ro Ro, yep no less and early costings point to cheap cross channel prices.

This particular job will not be easy, so I may be gone a while................it all starts with finding a foot pump large enough for the job, so wish me well, I shall start with ebay............

[Russethouse]

Well thats a disappointment - I was hoping that Coco could come out of retirement and be 'Purser'. (does that mean she holds the money ?) and I could sell expensive little knick - knacks in the entirely unnecessary shop. On the other hand perhaps I would prefer to help out in the truckers lounge, or could I start the music in the cabins a whole hour before we dock ? - spoilt for choice !!

[zeb]

Please, please, please can I have a job which involves a yellow waterproof jacket with silver strips and lots of velcro!! If I have a yellow jacket I'm sure that I could direct cars to their parking spots. Or just open the car deck doors and wave at people. Oh dear, the thought of that and BRYAN just throws me into a tizzy.

If that job isn't available, I'd like to take the bookings - my website definitely works better than the P&O one which sends everyone back to the beginning, after they've spent an hour typing in all their details. How do I share the money out though? Or perhaps, the person who takes the bookings gets to keep the money. If that's the case, I think I'd prefer to take the bookings for BF!

[Will]

Jond, which ship serves the bad coffee? and from which outlet? One of the reasons why I always use BF is that they serve decent coffee (come to think of it that might even be the only reason) on the Normandie and Mont St Michel, even from the slot machines, though I do have to admit that the Mont StM tea salon (at the back, by the bar) isn't up to much. Mind, if you're used to stewed airline coffee even Speedferries would probably taste OK.

Miki, you and me are thinking along the same lines here. I saw a rather nice blow-up ferry in a travel agent in Lucca, Italy, a couple of days ago which got me thinking. It was only about a metre long, in the window display, but... The Institution in London for which I do most of my work organises conferences and has recently had discussions about high speed vessels and developments in inflatable craft, suffice it to say that the rigid inflatable concept is, in some ship designers' minds, something that could be adapted to larger passenger and goods-carrying ships for high speed in likely rough seas.

FK - so very Irish, that picture. Reminds me a bit of a (true) story of an Englishmen making a radio programme about Irish singers, and how they could produce a song about anything. He was chatting to a singing Irish farmer and suggested that the listeners would like to hear a song about something agricultural - say cutting the corn. The old man thought for a minute or two and started singing a comic song about a chiropodist.

Of course, we don't have to buy a ferry. We could rent one, or charter as those nautical types say. There's a very nice fast ferry sitting at Boulogne at the moment just waiting for somebody with a bit more money that Speedferries can offer.

[The Riff-Raff Element]

[quote]Jond, which ship serves the bad coffee? and from which outlet? One of the reasons why I always use BF is that they serve decent coffee (come to think of it that might even be the only reason) on the N...[/quote]

Hi Will - on my last trip to the UK I managed a leg on each of these boats. I only use the bars these days (I really cannot face the self-service restaurant fare and have given up complaining about the price / quality juxtraposition of what they serve) and it was the coffee from one of these that caused my hissy fit. I confess that I have never tried the vending machines on the boats, though I guess the ones in French roadside services aren't too awful, so I shall next time.

[Alexis]

Oooh!  You all want the glamourous jobs don't you?  Well, I will be quite happy chucking food at people and then walking from the ship to the port offices pulling my suitcase on wheels wearing a bright yellow jacket with silver stripes.....

A hat!  Must wear a hat too.  How about those nice red ones?

Miki!  I hadn't realised you were really Del Boy.  Loved your prog about the blow up dolls.  I'm laughing just thinking about them

I looked up the spelling of Sex God's name.  Don't forget, he is still Roxy Music to me  What it is to be old!  Anyway, I never bother with their names

[Russethouse]

Hey - I have thought of a better job - but perhaps Dick Smith wants it ?

Taking the pics of people in cars as they board

[Teamedup]

Alexis, Re Bryan Ferry, after a concert we got a lift with Roxy Music back to their hotel, yes I was touching knees with Mr Ferry himself. My friend had earlier lunged at him as he had gone up on stage, however she controlled herself in the van thank goodness. Being the sensible one, I said that I was not going to any group's hotel room and all my other friends chickened out too. We all walked home, we had spent all our money at the concert and had no taxi fare left.

 

[Porth]

[quote]Nick - vous disez la vérité - absolument, as one says around these parts. Of course, it's come on a bit since then, but that's pretty much exactly how it started. I know a guy who wrote a book about i...[/quote]

Will when I was a young lad (and yes some 50 years ago) in the valleys of South Wales we witnessed the was it 'Shonny onion men' no doubt my Welsh colleagues will put me right selling their onions mainly at the gates of the pits on Fridays and when the colliers were paid.

Now they are at the main entrances to the markets in South Wales and yes with their cycles.  However forget the myth these guys from Brittany are now very sharp. Yes the impression is rural and that it is simplistic itself.  However I know the owner of a large warehouse in Cardiff who makes a fortune every year.  What happens is that large camions come across and dump the onions.  Then smart white Citroen vans come across complete with cycles.  The vans parked quietly in the side streets and when they run out of onions they go to the vans and collect some more.

Obviously cash payments and I just wonder in my innocence if any or all of this cash is declared?

We have cooperatives for banking for the production of goods and materials why not a ferry?

Look at the background to the cooperative movement.

 

kind regards

 

[richard.w]

It was a good idea but in your haste you missed the real bargain on the same website a little better on the price too at only 100,000 dollars

http://www.shiplink.info/contents1.asp?refno=9920

Sea Devil, a Interceptor Type / Fast Response Craft,

suitable as a long range infiltration craft especially for special mission operation,
or as a Interceptor cum Patrol Boat.
Together with its Whispering Engines, Sea Devil can creep at speed right up to suspected vessels
for inspection with out being detected

lets see if the farmers stop us loading with there tractors when they start wiffeling about the cost of hay etc

[Furry Knickers]

[quote]I want to be the cabin boy. Having held this position for several years I know I am qualified; Who do I apply to? (see how focussed I am, that must count dor something)[/quote]

Mrs Tresco

I would be very happy for you to be the cabin boy, but I am confused about your agenda! Most of the time I think you are of the female agenda, but sometimes I am not sure! are you maybe one of those herbivores that are part man and part woman?

Mrs Alexis

I never found that Giraffe you mentioned before! I even looked at the completed items under Giraffe, but there was only the usual sensory Giraffes, and the wooden lads! I am beginning to think I shall never get me dream creature during me lifetime! I might have to leave it to me hairs to add that dream to the furry stable. I don't think Mrs Animal has found me one either! Maybe I will get one in the january sales? who knows? There was a big ejit selling a flame on ebay the other night! can you imagine the damage that would do to the post if it was sent in the mail? I have looked on ebay for a second hand ferry too! If you want a ferry or a Giraffe, then don't bother looking on ebay!

I am a very big fan of Bryan meself! When ever I hear Slave To Love I go all tingly and me legs give way, It was mine and one of me womens song at the time! you should have seen what that song done to her! I prefer A hard Rain though!

[Tresco]

Mrs Tresco

I would be very happy for you to be the cabin boy, but I am confused about your agenda! Most of the time I think you are of the female agenda, but sometimes I am not sure! are you maybe one of those herbivores that are part man and part woman?

Why Mr Nix, this reminds me of the time when you asked me if I was a transitvan. I think I may have to sue you for a gazillion squids.

When I win the case I'll have enough money to buy my own helicopter and will not need to serve on Mikis dodgy blow up Ro Ro under the fierce captaincy of Will the Conk.

[Miki]

"..........Mikis dodgy blow up Ro Ro..."

Aherm, talking of suing........ not so much of the dodgy please, more experimental than dodgy at the moment, foot pump is still proving rather elusive though !

Alexis, Oh yes what a great episode it was with the blow up dolls, the look of panic in Uncle Alberts face, when one of the "ladies of the night" went off behind Del's wonderful "home bar" was one of TV's most magical comic moments and as for the Vindaloo statement Del made to the tramps sitting by the bonfire, well.....

[Ex Forum Admin]

http://shipexpo.com/sales/vessel_detail.asp?FileNo=2474

If you could get all 6000 registered users of this forum interested at $27.50 each....

 

 

 

 

[Miki]

Looking at pic No 4, I hope the cement has set before Cap'n Bill goes to have a butchers.

Size could be iffy, if we all wanted to go over the same weekend, it would take a hundred journeys to get us to the UK or France! Maybe some blow up boats could be towed behind..

Mmmm just going out to the shed to do some more designs........

[la bezarderie]

It's not necessarily the most stupid idea in the world. Acres of free newsprint, the underdogs fighting back, English entrepreneurial spirit versus French intransigence etc etc.  Wasn't the Speedferries bloke backed by his friends and neighbours when he started?