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Anti climax.


Val_2
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Our neighbours got married on monday evening at 6pm after living together for 27 years and producing three kids now in their 20's. We were invited and met at the mairie across the road but what a let down it was. Chairs for about ten people with 40 odd crammed in and stood everywhere and no sort of celebration atmosphere at all. Very official with the number and reference of the laws read out, a short potted history of the individuals getting hitched and the documents handed to them in an envelope after all had signed. Even placing the rings on the fingers was done with no words and we all left just as though we had been to hand in a Permis de Construire. At the end of the day, even a british registry office wedding is a much happier and joyous affair with everyone dressed up (we were told to wear ordinary every day clothes). Still we made up for it at the reception which finished about 6am on tuesday morning - I think!!
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We've been to quite a few weddings and funerals, mostly French, and have been struck by the very dull services. [:(] They were all different venues and types of service.  Admittedly, not being RC or knowing the form, we were particularly surprised that at some there was no music.  At others, the padre sang, unacccompanied.  With the exception of one wedding (British), we have left the church feeling "What an unjoyous occasion".  Just as well the bunfight afterwards is usually fun.[:)]

Whether or not one dresses up depends on who's died or getting married, ie what their family would expect.  So we avoid overdressing if it's not expected.  But we've also been to some fabulous "hats and morning dress" affairs too !  [8-|]  We went to one hilarious French wedding where the couple's 3 year old daughter was a bridesmaid.  The priest talked about "putting the cart before the horse" as the little girl skipped down the aisle.  In fact the groom was not the father [;-)][;-)]! ! !

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[quote user="Callie"]We've been to quite a few weddings and funerals, mostly French, and have been struck by the very dull services. [:(] They were all different venues and types of service.  Admittedly, not being RC or knowing the form, we were particularly surprised that at some there was no music.  At others, the padre sang, unacccompanied.  With the exception of one wedding (British), we have left the church feeling "What an unjoyous occasion".  Just as well the bunfight afterwards is usually fun.[:)]

Whether or not one dresses up depends on who's died or getting married, ie what their family would expect.  So we avoid overdressing if it's not expected.  But we've also been to some fabulous "hats and morning dress" affairs too !  [8-|]  We went to one hilarious French wedding where the couple's 3 year old daughter was a bridesmaid.  The priest talked about "putting the cart before the horse" as the little girl skipped down the aisle.  In fact the groom was not the father [;-)][;-)]! ! !


[/quote]

I think, Callie, that you are missing the point. In France, marriage is simply a civil contract and is formalised by the state at the mairie. It is not about anything so metaphysical as two souls becoming one but about property allocation and such. This is what the original poster was referring to.

Any subsequent religious event has no official status (though it may be important to the participants). Whether it is joyous or not depends on how the participants want it to be. perhaps finding an organist is too much trouble.

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No, Clark, I didn't miss the point - I was just meant that the church services could be equally dull.  I think it's just a culture difference !  Perhaps they prefer anything in church to be solemn.  Mind you, if the organists charge as much here as some do in the UK, it's no wonder the village churches don't use them.  

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I've been to several weddings in France, but the worst was in a cathedral.  Instead of singing, a tape was played of other people singing at various points during the ceremony, and the endless stream of guests rushing backwards and forwards taking photos and videos, in front of, behind, beside and practically on top of the bride and groom all through the ceremony made the whole thing rather farcical.
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OK Callie, but Val2 was specifically talking about a mairie wedding.

I wonder whether it is the quantity of organising that is necessary which results in the dullness of church weddings. In my village the church is owned by the commune, for a wedding, a priest/minister has to be found and an organist also has to be found - it is unlikely that the church has one of its own. And if you want a choir ....

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I think it's the way of village churches.  Our commune shares its padre with several others, so he spends a lot of time to-ing and fro-ing.  He's a lovely old boy, with a sincerity that makes me want to confess my sins !

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Its the same in this village. Our last curé died some seven years ago and so one from another commune would come every so often to do the masses and funerals here and share himself about. He has now gone and the last funeral I went to a few months back, my friend the deputy maire was doing all the singing and a nun was taking the service. When an english friend here died, I organised the funeral service with the curé for the parish and we were given carte blanche to do what we wanted apart from the obligatory catholic phrases that had to be said even though none of us brits in attendance were catholic. Myself and the curé sorted out some music tapes and during the service we all just sat and listened and felt very spiritually moved by the peace and we didn't have all the paraphanalia of the incense etc.

Going back to the wedding, I have to say though at least it is not something that has priced itself out of the market here compared to the sort of do's you see and hear about in the UK so everyone can afford to be legally married. Even the reception was very much a home made affair with f riends doing the cooking, the family supplying the booze from the local co-operative supplier and their children and friends acting as waiters etc. The music was provided by a computer where anyone could go up and choose from the thousands of downloads to play and everyone was asked to give a donation towards a honeymoon later on rather than presents which after 27 years they wouldn't really want.

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[quote user="Callie"]We went to one hilarious French wedding where the couple's 3 year old daughter was a bridesmaid.  The priest talked about "putting the cart before the horse" as the little girl skipped down the aisle.  In fact the groom was not the father [;-)][;-)]! ! ![/quote]

My brother in law and his long-term concubine were married by their 12 year old son. Apparently he is the "children's councillor" on the conseil municipal and the maire declared him an adjoint and passed over the tricolor sash. He's a very studious, serious little boy and got the whole thing right.

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[quote user="Clarkkent"]

In my village the church is owned by the commune,

[/quote]

Just for info, all churches are owned by the commune since the 'loi du 9 décembre 1905' when the state and the church were seperated and the state took charge of the upkeep of the church buildings.  In our village we've just re-enacted the Banquet de la Paix which was held in 1908 following a few years of wrangling and arguments during the Inventaire that each commune had to do.

I've been to a few Mairie weddings now, and yes the ceremony is over very quickly.  The last one, a couple of weeks ago, was taken by one of the Maire Adjoints (his first wedding ceremony) because the Maire was away on holiday.  The MA and the couple are all friends and it was a lovely ceremony because he was able to inject some personal emotion into the cermony. Rings are not necessarily exchanged at the Mairie service, usually during a following Church ceremony or as in the case of my friends last summer, during a very beautiful ceremony in the gardens where they had their reception.

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I agree with Lisleoise; our friends were married here two years ago and the Maire made a wonderful event of the proceedings. I think it all comes down to attitude on the part of the Maire. Maybe this particular Maire considers wedding ceremonies as just another part of the job? which would be a shame.

On the other hand some Priests, Vicars and Reverends can be incredibly boring conducting a wedding ceremony whereas others add a touch of humour and sentimentality to the occasion and make it memorable for all concerned.  A wedding ceremony should be just that...a 'memorable occasion'.

Personally I think the only way to marry is through the church - a wedding should be a spiritual thing rather than a civil situation...but as a divorced Catholic [6] I think I am out of the race for a second chance at such...so it is 'living in sin' for me for quite a while yet [:D]

So I'll enjoy it while it lasts[;-)]

 

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