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Nominations for "Clueless Guests 2010"


Clair
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I'd like to nominate la famille Axxxxxy (French, 2 adults/1 teen/1 child):

  • Despite being emailed precise directions together with a map with numbered changes of direction (3 in total), which they dutifully left at home, they managed to arrive 6 hours later than anticipated in their tel call.
  • Not only that, they arrived without a scrap of food and too late to be seated at the village restaurants (yes, it was nearly 10pm!)
  • They did manage to get some pizza at the Snak bar (yes, we have a Snak bar in the village. Do you?)
  • They also managed to use a complete roll of triple-ply toilet  paper in less than 4 hours (assuming they slept between 11 pm and 6 am). I don't know if that is related to the pizza consumption... [Www]
  • And to complete the nomination, I would point out that it's the first time a paying guest has knocked at the door at 9 am to ask me for info about the availability of local hairdressers. Should this be added to the info folder? [8-)]

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[quote user="5-element"]When is someone going to write the definite book of guests? As a non-gite, non-B & B owner or manager, I love reading these (wilst simultaneously cringing, and wondering what category I might ever make as a guest....)[/quote]

I've been thinking about doing just that on the five years we spent (prior to moving here) running a large camp-site in the UK.

Oh, the tales I could tell......................................

One day [Www][:D]

.

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My folks ran a private hotel ...One of our live in guests was ex Indian army ..He used to sit in the sun by the front door On a Saturday morning the greeting guests got was this guy pushing a cleaning rod through a Webley revolver . he always raised his hat to arrivals .
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At the beginning of one season, and prior to reopening we were litter-picking the site and came across a catheter and bag complete with contents [+o(]

Shortly after we met a local woman we knew who was walking her dog. she commented on the awful amount of litter people left and I mentioned what I had just found.

"That's terrible" she remarked, "what sort of person would put a cat in a bag"

[:D][:D][:D]

.

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Had some guests last week who phoned me up from Vierzon to ask if it was anywhere near the house - it was 6 hours away - their satnav had taken them to the wrong Civray. This was after they had declined our detailed directions! The man was a taxi driver!

Strange gîte owners have to be the one we once stayed in where the owners were followers of David Icke.
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Not strange gite owners really but......

we arrived at the gite on time and there was a note on the door saying that they were at a wedding down the road - key under the mat - help yourself - make yourself at home!!!

Ahhhhhh!

There is some trust left in the world.
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My most clueless guests were a few years ago, Mr and Mrs Guest plus grown up daughter and her boyfriend. One day, b/f decided to go fishing and borrowed Mr Guests 4 x 4. He didn't come home that night, next morning, daughter in tears on doorstep, so I phoned round the local hospitals and police and located him - he had smashed up the car on the way home from fishing, as he'd got drunk. I took guests to hospital as it was near to my work, and they all got a taxi back to the gite later. The car was a write off, so I had to take Mr G to the Gendarmerie to explain what had happened and pick up car keys, then to garage to pick up remaining belongings from car, then I had to go shopping for them and finally organised them a taxi to the port so they could get home.

Of course, I got no thanks at all [Www]

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This year's guests include a couple who :

1) forgot to bring the address of the gite with them

2) forgot to bring our carefully compiled step-by-step route directions from Calais with them

3) forgot to bring the street map of the town showing the location of their gite with them

4) forgot our phone number

Fortunately they remembered the name of the town we live in and our name, went to the tourist office and asked there - otherwise they would never have got here.

Once installed in their gite they rang us up to ask us how to make the TV work.

"We have disconnected the video player", they said, "we don't need that". 

It wasn't a video player - it was the satellite box, without which no TV programmes could be received at all.

When they got home after their holiday they wrote to ask when they would get their security deposit back.  I had to point out to them that we hadn't asked for one and they hadn't given us one!

Patrick  

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I believe this weeks arrivals are my first ever British guests - certainly he first for a very long time anyway. A couple of toffs whos young children (probably called Tarquin and Henrietta) can do no wrong. Their temper tantrums are seemingly not tantrums, they are "expressing their emotions and frustrations" and should not be discouraged.

I would be quite happy to stab the whole family to death and bury them in the garden somewhere.

In other news, some other Brits turned up on Saturday looking for the Brit-owned gite down the road. Perfectly clean-cut and with slightly glazed expressions, my instincts were confirmed when pretty much the second sentence out of their mouths was "You might like to read this..." and handed over a copy of The Watchtower.

Gah, now they know where I live.[:@]  There is seemingly quite a strong contingent of English-speaking followers in the area who seek out other Brits who need saving, so I suspect they will be back.

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"I would be quite happy to stab the whole family to death and bury them in the garden somewhere."

Dave didn't you have a large hole in your sitting room floor? maybe you could hide them there. Then of course there's always the freezer option mentioned in another post recently.[;-)]

Great to see you posting again....................................... BTW good luck with the Watchtower people.[;-)]

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Our 'guests' are supposed to contact us during the week before they go to the gite. They didn't and I just couldn't get hold of them. Saturday arrived, then there was a call from the caretaker to say there was a call from a furious man who'd been sat in the front garden for over 2 hours waiting for someone to turn up!

It was explained to him that there's a key entry box and he could just let himself in - don't think his wife was very happy with him.
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Hi,

The hole was in my bedroom floor. Sadly, it was not large enough to convert into a kinky S&M dungeon, and a jacuzzi in the bedrom would have been nice but presents a bit of a hazard when getting up for a pee in the dark so I had to cover it over permanantly.

[IMG]http://i217.photobucket.com/albums/cc297/dave21478/house/DSCF0013Medium.jpg[/IMG]

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