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Moral harrassment on the work place


Frenchie
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Oh yes, this info will be of real help, because my friend and I wondered what we could do now if a " mediation"  was refused within the work place itself.

I will print your post and keep it, and give a copy to my friend. I think she is even more harrassed than I am. They are trying to make her endorse the part of an hysterical woman , because she reacts when she feels what is being done or said is really unfair.  

I know where I can get the advice of a lawyer, the first meeting is free.

It already has health consequences on her and even me.

She suffers headaches , I don't sleep well at night and both of us feel a big stress as soon as we get close to the work place. Which shouldn't be, because I love the work itself..

Merci encore. Bonne journée!

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I have no specialist knowledge, but have had a job where I have felt like walking out and suing for the "Constructive Dismissal".  However, I was always told that if you intend to seek compensation/damages under the "Constructive Dismissal" route then you are better doing it whilst still employed rather than after leaving.  If you have departed the company I guess the burden of evidence must be that much stronger to achieve the same result.

Anyway, I'm no expert and what little I am aware of is UK and not French.  Given the costs of long term sickness in France (particularly if the sickness extends more than 2.5 years (or whatever it is) I would have expected any employer to take anything that could result in sickness quite seriously.  I know some/many employers take out insurance to protect themselves from the costs of "long tern sickness" but I would have thought gov financed schools would have to bear the costs from their budgets.

Ian
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Fortunately I've never been in this situation but as previous posters have said it would be a very good idea to put it all in writing with copies for yourself.  Perhaps if you don't feel strong enough to hand them over now keep a record/diary for yourself and maybe in the future the opportunity will arise.  All the very best of luck.
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Frenchie - I'm very sorry to hear that you are so unhappy at work. Did you say that most of these persecutors are women? They can be very bitchy in a group. Just an idea - is it possible that they are trying to get you to resign so that someone they know can have your job? Otherwise I think P. de Ruffignac's advice is the way to go. Jobs are so hard to come by - hang onto it [kiss]
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Yes, they are women..

I think they would be delighted if Iresigned, but there's no way I'm going to do that . I would only  if I had decided it s time for me to move to England. And it's not time yet..

I don't think they know someone to replace me, this is not the way it works, we are appointed by the government , we are civil servants..

It all depends on how many points you ve got , etc..

I 'll keep my job and assert my presence in the work place instead of running away.

Merci encore à tous / toutes!

[kiss]

 

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Frenchie

As an ex-HR Manager in a large company I have seen many people go through this; of course it depends entirely on the person how they react, and how they want to deal with the situation, but I so know that this kind of victimisation/bullying, call it what you will, can be devastating for some people.

In dealing with these issues, I would say that the best outcome has always been through the relatively informal mediation route.   In the UK, one method of doing this is for the person who is having difficulties to initially have time with the mediator, and then a route forward, which the person being bullied is comfortable with, is agreed.    Generally speaking the 'victim' does the work, in the sense of confronting or discussing weith colleagues the issues, but has the support of the mediator in the background.   At a later stage it is possible for the mediator to be involved with both 'sides'.

The other two options are of course, go through a more formal route, or leave.

I think you really need to ascertain what mechanisms are available in your work-place to assist you with this.   Do you have eg, a company handbook (sometimes incorported into your contract), which sets out the company's stance on such issues?    That should really be your first port of call.   Armed with that, you can approach the appropriate person in your company and request help, and they will have little option but to try to support you.

Failing that you can turn to French employment law, of which I know little, albeit I doubt it is too different from UK employment law in its fundamentals (and I see someone has posted not far back  P ? who probably knows far more than I on this one).

You do need to sort it out though; getting support on here is good and you sound a lovely person, so I hope it helps.   But it is not going to keep you going through day after day of stress at work.

Good luck, and let us all know how you get on.

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[quote user="londoneye"]Frenchie

As an ex-HR Manager in a large company I have seen many people go through this; of course it depends entirely on the person how they react, and how they want to deal with the situation, but I so know that this kind of victimisation/bullying, call it what you will, can be devastating for some people. It is for my friend...I am worried for her .  In dealing with these issues, I would say that the best outcome has always been through the relatively informal mediation route.   In the UK, one method of doing this is for the person who is having difficulties to initially have time with the mediator, and then a route forward, which the person being bullied is comfortable with, is agreed.    Generally speaking the 'victim' does the work, in the sense of confronting or discussing weith colleagues the issues, but has the support of the mediator in the background.  Out head refuses to be the mediator, he says he is no psychologist, he said it would be no use.... I disagree. At a later stage it is possible for the mediator to be involved with both 'sides'.

The other two options are of course, go through a more formal route, or leave.

I think you really need to ascertain what mechanisms are available in your work-place to assist you with this.   Do you have eg, a company handbook (sometimes incorported into your contract), which sets out the company's stance on such issues? NO ...     That should really be your first port of call.   Armed with that, you can approach the appropriate person in your company and request help, and they will have little option but to try to support you.

Failing that you can turn to French employment law, of which I know little, albeit I doubt it is too different from UK employment law in its fundamentals (and I see someone has posted not far back  P ? who probably knows far more than I on this one). Tonight I am very confused about the events of the day... But I think Ill go and look for advice with a lawyer.

You do need to sort it out though; Yes, and I don't think putting a lid on top is a way of sloving pbms

 getting support on here is good it really helps and you sound a lovely person, so I hope it helps.   But it is not going to keep you going through day after day of stress at work.

Good luck, and let us all know how you get on.



[/quote]  Bonsoir.. very confused, I need to think of other things tonight, because it s on my mind 24 hours a day and I am tired... I need to chat with friends and forget for tonight.. the day has been hectic.. I am disappointed the head doesn't want to start a mediation, and I am worried fr my friend.. If she had no kids she'd be in real danger..

What a nightmare..

Anyway, thanks to you, I really appreciate the time you take to write long messages ans support me.

 Thanks.............   x

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Frenchie

You will have time to think about today's events and then you will be able to put them in context.  It probably seems really bad at the moment but you may be able to salvage something from today's meeting.

You were very brave to confront the head and, for the moment, that is enough.  You have made progress just by attending the meeting with your friend.

Above all, believe in yourself; that you, Frenchie, is the one who has to find the solution.

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Cher Frenchie

No real advice but just wanted to say ...

Sorry to hear of your situation ... sounds like you're taking on board some of the advice that's right for you and are becoming more convinced of your rights and more assertive so that's good.

People can very very jealous of other's happiness and that's probably part of what's going on.  Confident colleagues do not undermine others so this is all their problem but you are the one, unfortunately, that needs to deal with the 'manifestation'... You are in the right.

Good luck!  Perhaps you can try to do something that helps you relax - in the meantime - to keep things in perspective.

N x

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Frenchie

Could you please give a little more info that would enable me or others to give specific rather than general advice?

What type of job do you do (I think it is evening shifts)

Is the problem from colleagues at the same level as you? Are they predominantly female as you have suggested?

What ages are they? or perhaps are they a similar or different age(s) to you?

Are they an established group/team and are you and your good friend relative newcomers?

Are they of similar backgrounds/ aspirations/values?

Re your good friend at work, do you have things in common with him/her and not with the others?

You can probably see where I am going with this, to try and find out what they believe that they have in common which isolates them from you, perhaps it's (lack of)  intellect or second language.

Do you post on this forum while working?

Dont worry there is always a solution!

Editted

Looks like Twinks has answered some of my questions and has a similar gut feeling to me.

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.....Bonsoir.. very confused, I need to think of other things tonight, because it s on my mind 24 hours a day and I am tired... I need to chat with friends and forget for tonight.. the day has been hectic.. I am disappointed the head doesn't want to start a mediation, and I am worried fr my friend.. If she had no kids she'd be in real danger..

What a nightmare..

Just to say I hope today has been a better day for you.    One step at a time and remember any improvement is SOME improvement.   I understand your Head does not want to begin a mediation, but what does he/she propose to put the matter right?   He/she is HEAD and its upto him/her to get this matter sorted and not bury his/her head in the sand in the hope it goes away.  

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Bonsoir memb...

Another day in hell...

I have the feeling I am a bull in the arena.. Whatever you do, you know how it will end up.

I NEED to take my mind off it, or Ill lose my mental health !!

My partner and I talked on the phone last night, ( he s in the UK), he said I should write to the boss, write down the whole story and what we asked him and he refused.

You know, I have really read ALL of your kind messages one by one, I m thinking about it all, I want to get out of this situation but it s far from easy.

Thank God I ll be on holidays by the end of the week.................

I can't believe how many people have written on this thread, I did not expect it, all the time you took for me, and it really warms my heart.

merci du fond du coeur.

 

 

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Bonsoir Frenchie.    Thanks for the update and I am sorry to read you are having such a living nightmare.   I appreciate you need to switch off from the situation any time you possibly can.    Its totally unfair of your boss to not strive for an ending to this matter.    I think it is important to get it all written down (and continue making notes of further situations with times and dates) as your partner advised.   If the Head still does'nt take your written statement seriously, then I feel the only way to resolve this is to use the legal system......certainly obtaining some advice so you can weigh up the pro's and con's.     Have some "me" time, take one day at a time, enjoy that holiday and stay strong.....you will overcome.   
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[quote user="Geordie girl"][quote user="TWINKLE"]

Frenchie!

Do you want me to stand outside your school with my Doc. Martins and nasty face on?[:P]

[/quote]

 

A fairy wearing doc martins?[:)]

 

[/quote]

will you wear your red halloween horns too, bejesus you would be scarey then !!

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Oh Frenchie, I've only just read this thread for the first time.  I had NO idea of the torment that you are going through.

* Keep a diary - it helps with remembering dates and events, if you have to take the matter further.

* You are an amazingly warm person and you don't deserve this bullying.

* Bullies must not win - my mother always said 'hold your head up high' and it really works.  Bullies cease to be bullies if they do not have a victim.  If you hold up your head and not show how much it affects you (difficult, I know), they cannot win.

* Good always prevails over evil, even if sometimes it takes its time. Ultimately, bullies are lonely, sad people. You have so many friends, even if many are 'virtual', and are surrounded by love.  They aren't.

Not long to go before your holiday....

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Bonsoir..

I'm counting down time til the holidays ( friday PM) ..

I'm trying to do my job as well as I can and keep chin up.

One of my fault is to be sensitive, and the boss said I must learn to be tougher........

Someone has suggested a meeting between the bullies, my friend and I, I am ready for it, even though they ve said it will end up in nothing but a big argiument ( row.) .. But I want a mediator, someone who can be a witness of what will eb said and done.

I don't know if it will take place, it was just a suggestion.

My friend went to bed at noon today, she was pale, exhausted.. This situation is really getting to her .

I have the support of my partner,even if he's far away,  and you all, you don't realize how touching that is.

The worst thing is not knowing why  those people hate you, what they have to reproach..

I will go and play some songs on the musical thread. Music is therapy.

 Call me lucky, I usual play " LOTO" , I never win.. Today I did not play , 5 of my numbers came  out      .........................................................................................................................................................

...................................................................................................................................................................

........................................................................................

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[quote user="Frenchie"]

Bonsoir..

I'm counting down time til the holidays ( friday PM) ..

I'm trying to do my job as well as I can and keep chin up.

One of my fault is to be sensitive, and the boss said I must learn to be tougher........

Someone has suggested a meeting between the bullies, my friend and I, I am ready for it, even though they ve said it will end up in nothing but a big argiument ( row.) .. But I want a mediator, someone who can be a witness of what will eb said and done.

I don't know if it will take place, it was just a suggestion.

My friend went to bed at noon today, she was pale, exhausted.. This situation is really getting to her .

I have the support of my partner,even if he's far away,  and you all, you don't realize how touching that is.

The worst thing is not knowing why  those people hate you, what they have to reproach..

I will go and play some songs on the musical thread. Music is therapy.

 Call me lucky, I usual play " LOTO" , I never win.. Today I did not play , 5 of my numbers came out

...........................................................................................................................................................

.............................................................................................................................................................

...............................................................................................

[/quote]

PLEASE say thats a wind-up about the Loto!  PLEASE!    Feel so much for your friend, she does'nt seem as strong as you.     KEEP that chin up, KEEP focussed, KEEP one step ahead.   My advice....go with your gut feeling that it will end up in a row.   There must be a mediator, someone completely impartial.....there must be someone prepared to be mediator to witness the meeting.    Have that holiday and you will be rested and READY for them!     

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[quote user="Cathy"]

Oh Frenchie, I've only just read this thread for the first time.  I had NO idea of the torment that you are going through.

* Keep a diary - it helps with remembering dates and events, if you have to take the matter further.  I ve started ...

* You are an amazingly warm person and you don't deserve this bullying.  [kiss]   Nice to hear something positive !![kiss]

* Bullies must not win - my mother always said 'hold your head up high' and it really works.  Bullies cease to be bullies if they do not have a victim.  If you hold up your head and not show how much it affects you (difficult, I know), I'm learning to, but it s not easy at all for me ............ they cannot win.

* Good always prevails over evil, even if sometimes it takes its time. I will write this sentence on my diary, so Ill read it several times a day. Ultimately, bullies are lonely, sad people. You have so many friends, even if many are 'virtual', and are surrounded by love.  They aren't.

Not long to go before your holiday.... THANK GOD YESSS

[/quote]  MERCI .... XXXXXXX
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[quote user="Geordie girl"]

Frenchie, we were supposed to be sharing the winnings , [:D]

[/quote]

Oh lala GG ...................................................... [:$]

I shouldn't have watched the results tonight......... it was Guillaume's idea...................

xxxx

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