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How to survive life when the visitors arrive


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As "Sweet 17" said,

if they are staying for more that a couple of nights encourage them to hire a car so that they can go out independently. Then they can also get themselves to / from the airport and pay the tolls!

"she has planned for a LOT of overtime for herself for that time" ...........................nice one Pierre!

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That is oh so true. We are living on a very small pension and I have no qualms about accepting a contribution from friends who come and stay with us. Most of our friends do it without asking but I'm sure that some sit at home in the UK thinking, where can we go for a cheap holiday. My wife disagrees, of course, but we simply can't afford to feed the world. I did take one couple down to the cash machine the day they were leaving after they announced that they wanted to make a contribution but had forgotten and didn't have any euros in their pocket. I don't know why, but we haven't heard from them for three years now [:)]

Nice here, isn't it.......................................[:D][:D]

Typical Scenario..................................

1st / 2nd year, visitors come in droves, to 'look' at your new home and sample the lifestyle. Mostly, close friends and rarely a problem. you actually enjoy showing them round and demonstrating what a good decision you've taken.

3rd / 4th / 5th year, you start getting phone calls from 'long-lost' friends. Conversation starts

"Hi, it's been so long since we've seen you both, we were thinking of coming over on a visit. The plane arrives tomorrow at 10 oclock, could you pick us up ?" "Oh, by the way, Uncle Aurthur and Auntie Betty will be with us, is that OK"

[:D][:D][:D]

names were changed to protect the innocent................................

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We had the visitor problem when we lived in Wiltshire... but we had a disposible income then so it didn't matter. [:D] And I just said no to anyone we didn't want visiting a second time. [:-))]

Here, renovations have taken so long that few friends (and therefore only true friends) have braved a visit so the associated costs with friends staying hasn't arisen. Yet.

But one thing I don't get is the "we'll take you out for a meal" as repayment routine. A moments thought on the side of the guest would suggest that 7 days of bed and board would come in at maybe 200? euros. Easily more. A very nice meal cooked by me for my OH and me would cost maybe 10 euros, and that's with an adequate bottle of wine. If we eat out, we rarely spend more than 60euros total. Guests are doing really well if they get 7 days of full bed and board, time, fuel and entertainment, etc for 60 euros! When the time (and guests) arrive, if necessary... I will be forthright and unambiguous. [:P]

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Oooh. This is surely a record early sighting of the Annual LF 'Visitors' Thread.[:)]

Good idea Gill, as often a similar thread appears later in the year, when it's already too late.[;-)]

Anyone with a newly bought home here would be well advised to take note of the advice given here. We are not all churlish tight-fists, I can assure you. Its just that none of us ever think our friends/family could behave in these ways, and then some of them do.[:'(]

It leaves you feeling resentful, and skint. As Catalpa suggests, honesty from the outset is essential.

 

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We have had similar experiences. One still makes me cross...

Long-standing friends wanted to stay for a week or so. It was our first year in France and we were happy to accept offers of help in lieu of payment but they insisted they wanted 'a proper holiday' and so we agreed a heavily discounted rate for their stay.

They changed their minds several times about their dates (causing me to lose a booking) and duly arrived... It was agreed we would eat together, so lunch, when they were there, and diner were taken outside, where I would at first lay out a French meal (empty plates and dishes brought to the table).

Their plates were English style (plates prepared in the kitchen and brought to the table), so forget sharing a meal... and so it went for a week. Every evening was spent on our sofas, playing board games, with us supplying drinks and nibbles throughout...

They did offer to take us out for a meal, in the cheapest restaurant in the village. I managed to steer them towards a better choice and we paid for all the drinks.

Then they asked if they could stay a few more days and, as we did not have any booking for the following week, I said it was fine...

Four days later, he asked for an invoice. On seeing the total, he promptly said this was not what he expected and was much more than he had budgeted for, had I forgotten the discount we had agreed? I pointed out that they had almost doubled the length of their stay. His reply was that as we had not been booked, it should make no difference anyway. Faced with this 'logic' and not wanting an argument, I could only revise the total down, wishing them away as quickly as possible...

They left the following morning and we have not seen them since. The gite was a tip, they had not cleaned anything during their whole stay and the bath had more rings than a chav's fingers...

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tresco & catalpa

right, whenever i feel too lily-livered to come outright and say "not on your nelly", i'll think of your good advice.  i'll probably have to really steel myself to do it but the alternative is too awful to contemplate.

it does seem to be the case that people on holiday don't seem to or don't want to take on board the fact that YOU are NOT on holiday like they are.  therefore, you do not necessarily want to "do" the sights, drink late into the night EVERY night, eat rich "foreign" dishes at every meal and stay in bed till half the day is gone

am i being curmudgeonly or merely self-preserving?

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Too much. Too little.

A split really, some friends really do give way too much and I find it down right embarrassing. Some just accept our efforts as some sort of 'right'. I don't like that.

I don't get the meal thing either. And as I am not a drinker and a driver when we go out for a meal, if I want another soft drink during the meal, when 'they' have been ordering say, extra wine, I just tell the waiter(ess) what I want.

I think that the worst was when I had taken friends to the airport. She had quizzed me about how much the tolls were, but not offered anything towards them. As their flight was later that day we had visited the local city and they had bought quite a lot of stuff. As we were heading towards the car, she said that I may as well have the rest of their holiday money as she wouldn't be need ing it. I looked at the money and said, 'well it might just be about enough to pay the parking'........ but I said it very sweetly. AND it wasn't enough[:-))] anyway.

Strange isn't it.

 

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Clair my heart goes out to you.  A couple of years ago we had some 'friends' stay.  As we always feel vaguely guilty about charging our friends and acquaintances we agreed that they would pay for their room but that they could eat with our other table d'hotes guests for free.  At the end of a week of scoffing our really nice four course dinners with as much wine as they could drink (and then some!) the night came when there were no other guests who were eating in.  'Don't worry about us' trilled the free loading ones 'We'll go to a restaurant'.  And they did, without us!!  No we haven't seen them since.

Now, we have got quite tough.  Only real friends and closest relatives can stay for nothing.  Everyone else pays and they have to hire a car.

 

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Like T/U I've had visitors - the same lot - who have helped us put up fencing, plasterboard etc, and who bring a car load of supplies with them too.  They are happy to kip on the sofa, and always contribute towards food etc.  Another (mentioned on  another thread) eats and drinks us out of house and home "in exchange" for taking us out for one meal!  As I said before, I now just tell him it's his turn to pay when we go round the supermarket.  It's the only way to get anything out of him and avoiding going bankrupt!
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As most of our B&Bers are French or Italian, to have friends from UK as least gives me the chance to easily enjoy the conversation. The friends who return regularly usually phone prior to leaving UK and ask us if there is anything we want brought over. Apart from Tea-bags it varies from paint to rolls of DPC. WE did have the odd few who seem to go from "Friend to Friend" in various parts of UK France and Spain but when they enquire about their free holiday I say it's not convenient as we have lots of children staying at that time. After one 3 day stay of short arms and long pockets, one couple came back from stocking up at the stores with a small bunch of flowers;,we have loads in the garden ;plus a bottle of Whisky. Like an idiot I opened my trap and said that I never drink spirits!! They took the whisky back with them!!

It was a small white lie as I do like the surreptitious cup of calvados/sugar lump and hot water at the commune do's.

Regards. 5 mins St.Malo.

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A great thread.  We don't have gites, CdH, or B&B, but do have a spare double room for visitors, and our kids bedrooms can be made up to twins to accommodate friends and family.  Consequently we have vistors for almost 50% of the summer.

Last year we were in rental and there wasn't alot of work to do - but this year there'll be plenty of work to go round....

Chopping wood for next winter, cutting the grass, weeding the veggie patch, flower borders, tiling the new patio, installing the new kitchen, tiling, painting, wallpapering - the list goes on! [;-)]  Any visitors be warned [6]

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To counter balance the post I made earlier, we have had tremendous help from other friends and their strapping sons.

They stayed a week and help demolish and clear wall and a damaged cast iron cooker, enjoyed using the hammer drill  to remove stubborn concrete rendering off an internal stone wall, helped clear a smelly tank, managed to turn the garage door the right way round so we could actually use it, whilst helping with the shopping and the cooking!

Nothing phased them! They used to manage a large scout camp! [:D]

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[quote user="Clair"]To counter balance the post I made earlier, we have had tremendous help from other friends and their strapping sons.
They stayed a week and help demolish and clear wall and a damaged cast iron cooker, enjoyed using the hammer drill  to remove stubborn concrete rendering off an internal stone wall, helped clear a smelly tank, managed to turn the garage door the right way round so we could actually use it, whilst helping with the shopping and the cooking!
Nothing phased them! They used to manage a large scout camp! [:D]
[/quote]

Clair, could you please pass on my details, could do with a few more friends.[Www] [:D]

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[quote user="Renaud"]Oscar Wilde said something to the effect: "Guests are like fish, they begin to smell after three days".[/quote]

After three or four days, that's when you start to want your own life back.

Beware of extended visits. After all, would you have invited someone to stay in your house in England for two weeks?

For many people, distance makes a weekend visit impractical, but if your friends really want to see you over a two week period, perhaps some of those 14 days could be spent in a nearby gite?

If even the suggestion of this is discounted with words to the effect of  'we won't get in your way, you just carry on as if we weren't there', you could be in trouble.[:P]

I now always allow a good period of rest and recovery time between each group of visitors.

Edit: There's one group of people we have for 2 weeks each year. Last year they fell into to the  'good' group TU described, we were really embarrased as they spent so much money and would hardly hear of us paying for anything.

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Naps, Good planning!

I’ve really enjoyed having my friends over as they are very independent. Most are so busy anyway and prefer far-flung locations for their precious holidays.

Having said that, a lot (over 20 from UK, France and other countries) have been to see me and a few among them, more than once. With the exception of two, who were so miserable they would have turned the Rio Carnival into a funeral procession, it’s been a pleasure.

Townies may have an advantage in this respect to those in rural areas. For a start, the large tourist office is just down the road (open all year round), so the maps and info on what’s going on in the town and region is always available.

There is so much in the town for visitors to see and do within minutes walk of my home; museums, theatres, cafes, restaurants, wine tasting places, lovely walks, festivals etc etc and if they want to go to beaches or visit neighbouring towns, they can take trains and buses. They can be totally independent without hiring a car.

As I work from home, they just take themselves off and have a good time. I join them whenever possible so it’s never a problem.  Also, with my culinary skills, if they waited for me to cook for them, they would all starve so they cook when they do not eat out[:D] 

My advice would be to make it clear that you live (work) here and are NOT on holiday. Growing up in London, I had developed a deep hatred for Madame Tussauds by the age of 17 due to always accompanying visitors there. I still can't bear the idea of going there and merely seeing the queues outside gives me the hibby geebies till this day [:(]

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Re the "nearby gite" method

Last Summer my sister mentioned that she and some friends would be in France in 2007 and asked  whether they could rent our house (second home)  I replied that we would be out there at that time so sorry but NO.

Next question, "could we come and stay with you for a few days and see your house?"

My answer, "No, I don't think that would be a good idea"  suggested they could stay a few days in nearby Chambres d'hotes.

I realised that we would be entertaining her and her friends, we have met this couple a few times they are O.K. but we don't really know them well.

Would we even consider having them all to stay with us in U.K. ? well no we wouldn't so why would we in France.

 

I was pleased I had the sense to decline her request.

If they would like to visit for the day, that would be fine by me, might even cook them a meal (just the one!)

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blanche neige

you have just provided me with the answer i have to learn by heart.  "no, i don't think that would be a good idea."  no white lies, no excuses, no pretend "other visitors"; just out with it.  yea, i'm going to be sooooooo assertive.  wow!!!

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[quote user="sweet 17"]...you have just provided me with the answer i have to learn by heart.  "no, i don't think that would be a good idea."  no white lies, no excuses, no pretend "other visitors"; just out with it.  yea, i'm going to be sooooooo assertive.  wow!!![/quote]

There is room for 'white lies' though, at the early stages of an enquiry.

For instance, if someone calls and says 'we're thinking of coming over in XXX for XXX amount of time, you can say your diary is covered in milk and honey, or that you are busy and will call back later, or that you have given your sister first option on the month of XXX and need to check with her first, etc.

This gives you time to consider the ins and outs, consult with the OH, if you have one, and what to say to the requestor.

It's something I'm sure many of us have done without hesitation in a work situation.. Give yourselves a little time to think it through.

What you say may well be 'yes!', but at least you will have given a little thought to it and can plan what to say...like, 'there are loads of car hire firms at the airport, and I'll send you really good directions...[:D]

 

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