cooperlola2

Afternoon all! Just checking in to say hi. I was nosing through a few old threads on here earlier, and it is a delight to find Deb's writings, logical, passionate without being dismissive. So proud to have been the man in her life. Little bits of news : My Form S1 has arrived! Tomorrow I take it down to CPAM in Le Mans and hope they recognise it for what it is! because I was a bit - no, a lot - late in registering my earnings at the Hotel des Impots, CPAM have been on at me to provide the assessment they assumed I already had. Since I'm 65 in three weeks time, it won't matter a lot now, but I have finally heard from the taxman and it's a surprise - I seem to be paying a lot less! I've had a bit of work done on the house - all external woodwork painted - and hope to get the upstairs bathroom done before long. I don't need it, but it adds to the value and makes it nicer if I ever invite visitors! I had 10 days in Blighty at the end of last month. The weather was lousy (That's the delicate word for it) and I had a cold (expletive deleted there, too!) but I saw a few friends - and implausibly bumped into several former colleagues on a funny little railway in Snowdonia! The house is still full of Deb's stuff - we were always good consumers - but I have whittled down the clothes a bit. It's the 1000+ DVDs that remain a puzzle, since I would want to keep about 5 of them. Then there are the Fairport Convention CDs, DVDs and above all tee-shirts. the market for such in France may be limited, I fear. Oh, and Deb's voice is still on the answerphone - so she calls out every time some call-centre tries us. Anyway, the headline is I'm ok-ish. Loneliness is not really a factor yet, may never be, I suspect. Motivation can be lacking some days - but then I was always impressively lazy, so no real change there, either. I wish the Forum well, and hope the members continue to discuss and debate as vigorously as Deb did, in the fashion that she so enjoyed among you all.   Take care!

Just a brief note to say that it is 12 months, pretty much to the minute, since I lost Deb. As I've said before, this forum - and therefore you - meant a great deal to her over several difficult years. It's good for me to know you are still there, even if I'm a rather poor visitor. Take care, everyone.   Ian   XXX

My "longest day" got off to the most bizarre start I can recall in 64 years. About 8, just considering getting up to make tea, I heard noises and went to investigate - naked. After all, I was expecting a parcel from the UK, so perhaps the delivery chap was trying to wake me. No - there was a man standing in my kitchen/living room! He had forced the outer shutter - a full-height wooden affair with a notional security device, and opened the unlocked front door. [If someone is prepared to force a security door, the lock on a glass-panelled front door won't make much difference, so I seldom lock it except in gale force winds.] Rushing for my dressing gown, I asked him what he was doing - and he asked me for a light! I quickly realised he was drunk. He offered me a bottle of Heineken, gently declined, and before long a large bottle of Calvados, equally unappealing, TVM. In the meantime I had looked outside and seen a lady's (!) bike by the gate. I asked him about this, and he said it wasn't his - his motorbike had run out of fuel down the hill, and his mate would be coming to pick him up with fuel - he showed me a mobile phone to support this tale. He was wandering about looking here and there in the garden, so I rang the emergency number, had a brief English conversation and they transferred me to a police number. Sadly this was on "please hold" function, so I gave up after a couple of minutes - but then they rang me, knew who I was, where I lived. Quick explanation and they promised action. In the meantime matey had been in my Nissan - had I left it unlocked last night? I asked what he thought he was doing, but got a typical too-drunk to care response. I decided I'd better start getting dressed, and heard sounds outside - yes, three burly gendarmes just putting the handcuffs on him! Then another police van arrived with two ladies - they being the locals from Bonnetable, the guys from the barracks at Mamers.</P> <P> </P> <P>The upshot is that this guy is well-known to all. I gave a brief statement to one of the Mamers guys, and have now been to the nick at Bonnetable to give a formal statement. When I went to start the Nissan I found he'd pinched the keys from the house (not the set I usually use) and they were in the ignition. All the police were charm itself. While I was there the phone rang - it was the guy's father, who is obviously at his wit's end about his alky son, as you would be. His son is in hospital to dry out, will be interviewed when sober. I think he will be charged - I have registered "plainte".  

I thought I ought to just drop in to say what and how and so on. Almost everything has been sorted out - at least as far as I know! I have yet to get to grips with the tax return. Apparently I will need to fill in two returns, one pre- and one post-events. I think I will ask the people at Mamers to help with that. All the banks have been sorted out - with the exception of nationwide, who, having asked for a translation of the death cert, which they received two months ago, have yet to convert the account to my name alone. So much for being mutual. You may recall that Deb picked up a bargain-priced mobility scooter in England last year. I have donated that to an elderly lady in Bonnetable. The huge collection of CDs and DVDs - well into 4-figures - remains a problem, since most of the \DVDs probably lack a French language option, and Fairport Convention is not too popular on this side of the Channel, I suspect. We are now into Le Mans race fortnight - the reason we moved here in the first place, of course. I had a couple of wobbly moments during the Test Weekend, but will enjoy the event I'm sure. I will drop by now and again, but hope all Deb's friends and animated correspondents on here are well and life has moved on, as it does. Take care, one and all.

Cooperlola, as most will realise, was not backward with adopting technology. Her Android phone had a wiggly-finger code on it. Last time (first time since....) I was in the UK I dropped into a cheapo phone shop, and the code was broken after two day and £30. Great. Get home to France and it now wants a password! Probably the same password Deb had set on her laptop, too.

Thanks again, everyone, for positive input as usual. What I had failed to spot was that the CC Co had, a couple of months ago, cancelled the Direct Debit on this account. Deb had also set up a Standing Order, which I have now stopped. So the CC Co had already written the debt off. Deb had a Kindle (there wasn't much technology she hadn't dabbled in!) and I've manged to de-register this, and passed it to a friend. What impressed me here was the relative ease of cancelling Deb's Amazon account, to which there had been regular payments for a couple of periodicals online for the Kindle. I had to send a copy of the death cert - required by the Data Protection Act, I believe, and entirely reasonable - and within 24 hrs received a confirmation that the account had been closed. I am seeing the Notaire ||Thursday to sign up and pay up. I hope that will be painless - I know the amount, at least. Oh, Deb's voice is still on the answerphone. No wish to erase that just yet!

Thanks, Idun, that does seem to confirm what the nice man told me. I am looking anew at the form, and seeing that i can make and sign a legitimate set of numbers that leave the estate in deficit. Wot a turnaround!

Typically astute, merci, RH! Being me, I had mentioned that I also have a card with the same company (Deb had shopped around some years back, so we both signed up - and interest rates have indeed remained competitive) and he simply repeated that they do not seek to come after me (his term), only the estate of the deceased. I should be here more often, I know, but feel somehow in Deb's shadow, as she made herself so wise on Forum matters, while I generaly just ask basic questions! I am always aware of the pleasure this Forum's virtual company provided for Deb. In that, I am in your debt, actually.

I am not about dodging the debt. My mind doesn't work like that. Over the last few years, we had been under the false impression there would be moneys to come from the insurers after Deb's acident, so spending was not constrained. Since the cancer was diagnosed, I was hardly going to suggest she spend less, as it clearly added something to her life to buy things she wanted. I am expecting to pay up, and yes, that implies a long and expensive process. I have already indicated in writing a willingness to pay off additional amounts if the opportunity arises. The questioonaire I have been sent asks for £ valuations on virtually everything except the house. They then expect me to sign as executor. My belief is that the donations option we signed is in lieu of an executor role. The Notaire has had to undertake a full valuation of the joint estate and found it to be well below any threshold for payment of taxes. We wouldn't have debts if we were rich, would we?! Anyway, I think I'd better call the CC Co and see what they think they're after. My suspicion is they don't know what to do, have sent me a standard form to fill in and no-one is actually "on my case"! Update! Crumbs and crikey! (A family forum, after all!) Rang the CC Co and nice man says fill in the form, and if the vlue is nil etc then say so. They do not expect to recover the debt from me, only Deb's estate - and I can stop making the existing payments. This is surreal. The cynic in me will believe it when I get it in writing, but the chap was so sure of his script that I'm almost inclined to do so!

A year ago today, Cooperlola & I were in La Rochelle, in the middle of our short break in the Vendee, while builders knocked 7 bells out of our kitchen. We dined a couple of times with a Forumite and his lady, too. Yes, the kitchen/sejour are the better for the work they did in our absence! I am close to finishing off the legal side of things here in France - I see the Notaire next week to sign up and pay up. However, I am being hassled by a UK credit card company, since there is a substantial outstanding amount. This was being serviced by a Direct Debit, and those payments are ongoing, so there is in no way a default on the account. Had I not told them of Deb's demise, they would be happily receiving their due in ignorance. Now they are looking for me to give full financial details of everything in Deb's 'estate'. Since we had signed 'donations' on arrival in 2004, everything is mine, debts and all. There is therefore no lump sum waiting to be paid out, of course. Does anyone have any (realistic!) advice on how I should deal with these people?

On 11/12/12, three items were posted in Devon, at the same office, to me. Two, a card and a "small packet" arrived within a week. The third,a small parcel, originally a whisky-bottle box, got caught in the French need to slap a bar-coded label on parcels, and arrived on the 28th. As it contained trivial items intended to be a Xmas stocking, this was a pity. Never mind - it provides work for a French person. That's much more important than delivering mail on time, after all.

Let me try to give an example of why it can drive you mad, and why it appears to be an exercise in its own right, not a means to achieving a goal. I am, as most folk here know, trying to tidy up in the wake of Deb's rather rapid demise in September. I needed to re-register her car in my name, and, while doing so, offered the man doing the task her French driving licence and disabled parking badge. Both had been issued in the same office - the Prefecture - that we were sitting in. Nothing to do with him he said - take them to the front office. So I did so, and the lady accepted the licence, but gave me a printed slip with an address for the disabled badge. When I got home, there was a message on the phone from her - she needed a copy of the death certificate. This was issued, of course, by another Goverment agency across town - the Mairie. Now you might think that all that matters is that the licence has been taken out of circulation, avoiding abuse or misuse. No- it has to follow a procedure. Moral - don't bother, and you will probably never be asked for such a thing - there is no-one to join up the dots between Deb's death and her licence!

Good day! I hope the Forum is flourishing. I thought I ought to drop in and say something seasonal, and perhaps reassure you all that I have managed to keep on a more-or-less even keel these last 3 months and more. So - how am I doing? Well, not too badly, actually. The paperwork is taking an age, but is slowly being consumed. I dropped in to the Notaire's office the other week, and was told that thay have had good responses from everyone they contacted - except a stunning silence from the insurance people. So I have now got a mandate for re-registering Deb's Nissan, issued at the Prefecture - where, because Clair had advised me, I had all the right documents and was welcomed, paying a mere 2 euros 50 cents for the privilege. Other bits will fall into place. British bankers have various responses to a French death certificate - Santander being brilliant, Nationwide rather less so. So ends a dreary year for me. We lost our Best Man in February to cancer, our neighbour across the road (45) in April ditto, and then Deb in September. 2013 can hardly be worse! Once again, it is important to say just how much you all meant to Deb - hence her 12000-odd posts. You gave her an avenue to use her intellect and encouraged her to research and to fight for what she believed to be right. In her wake you rallied behind me, too, so making the early days that much easier. I am very grateful for that. I am spending Xmas Day alone - by design. I have been invited to join others, but feel that this year I need to work the day through on my own, not hiding in the comfort of others' festivities. May I wish you all a good festive season, with all you would wish for yourselves. I'm sure we will meet again in 2013! kindest regards Ian

[quote user="woolybanana"]Just plain nasty. Sorry you have to cope with this as well, Mr Pooksie.[/quote]Yes it is the "insult to injury" that is the body-blow I'm reeling from. Hopefully brother Adrian will be here tonight and calm me down a bit. His twin - demonstrating exactly why I don't spend much time with them - actually emailed and suggested a Skype call tonight. Skype? Me? We have so little in common, truly.

Thanks to this link http://www.fnvictimesdelaroute.asso.fr/calcul_prejudices.php kindly provided by a member, I have been able to verify that the compensation sums provided are pretty well right. There is 35% for atteinte permanente, which for Deb's age is 56k (my keyboard lacks a euro symbol), 5.5/7 for souffrances endurees, which works out at about 15k, and 2.5/7 for dommage esthetique, which might be 3k. Thus they meet the 74k now quoted spot on. We may regard that as derisory, but it is the system and that's that. What hurts is that the remedial works they have undertaken are offset against the compensation - so Axa are perceived to have spent 95K, more than truly needed! We had fondly imagined that the works were over and above the claim for compensation, but evidently the insurers don't see it that way. I see them as having spent Deb's money for her, in effect, although there isn't much of the work that we wouldn't have wanted. I remain convinced that Deb didn't understand that critical detail - she believed in her last days there were monies to come, and there aren't. The nightmare just got worse - although Axa could take it a stage further by requesting their 21k back!

I did delve into that legislation link, TVM, but couldn't readily find anything about personal injury claims except lots of references to public transport, which is the sort of thing we might expect the EU to have a locus upon. In effect we are talking about litigation, which seems to be a rare beast in France, at least for those with limited means - no ambulance chasers that we ever found! So Deb's claim has, for the past four years, been pursued by MAFF, her insurer. The work seems to be done by a claims agent, rather than a MAFF employee. The slow and elderly chap we had since 2008 retired earlier this year and has now been replaced by a slightly younger man, with some ideas, I suppose, but of course when I rang last week to indicate imminent death, and later, the fact, he was on leave. I have asked him to write to me with a summary of the position in the wake of Deb's departure, and am fully prepared for a clause to be invoked that says such claims cease upon death, thus letting AXA off the hook. Once the doctors - one for each insurer - had agreed the degree of disability, which I think they calculated at 35%, then a French Government scale of values for such injuries was produced, and a value for a retired woman of Deb's age read off - that's all. There were additional sums for the number of days in hospital etc., but the final number was derisory compared to what might have been sought in the UK or USA. I have to say I am surprised if Deb hadn't rehearsed all this with the Forum yonks ago. In fairness, outwith any compensation sum, we have had the bathroom rebuilt, some work done in the kitchen, the bedroom works completed and a stairlift installed, all paid for by the insurers. They also paid for 14 hours domestic help per week over three years, although that stopped suddenly last week, of course, and I've had no word of any sort - not even goodbye, let alone condolence - from the agency (which I would not recommend to anyone). So AXA have paid up, and have of course covered all Deb's healthcare costs arising from the accident, including all my trips to visit her in hospital at 30 cents per mile. That leaves the original point - the causal link from the accident to the cancer. I can imagine that if there were a means to pursue this in France, it would take years, and, in view of that the remaining amount - should there be one! - would be frozen until such time. Once again, were we in other countries we might have a better chance - but we made our bed and I have to lie in it. I am not prepared to spend my widower years becoming a bitter and twisted person chasing justice if I can avoid it. My life is still worth a lot more than that, despite my loss, and I need to draw a line at the appropriate stage.

Yes, it was on the bypass road, just approaching the traffic lights. The lorry had started from the lights, pulled out to avoid a parked camionette - there are two lanes going east for a few hundred metres - but didn't realise that someone else was overtaking him, having not checked his mirror. The car overtaking him was simply knocked sideways into the single westbound lane - where Deb drove straight into it. When Deb first went to A&E 14 months ago, and they diagnosed a masse on her ovary, they also asked whether she had had a fall? The "fall" was obviously the impact of the crash, which as well as all the skeletal damage repaired by Rouen, had also caused some sort of trauma inside. It is extremely likely that Deb's cancer came from the crash.

If truth be told, it was the act of turning each para into French that helped me get through. I had to suddenly revert from one accent to another (with me, accent is of course a relative description!) and this helped me not to think about the coffin that I was standing next to! Once I'd completed the reading, and the music was under way, I did have a few tears. What I hope you are finding is that Deb and I had comparable writing skills, as part of our overall compatibility. As I may have said before, Deb's eulogies for her father and sister were top-hole stuff, and delivered without hesitation or sobs. I would have been letting her down if I hadn't tried to equal her performance, which I nearly did. I'm a bit tired after such a day, have had dinner on the terrace with three friends - one of whom delivered the dinner - and have still to feed the horses. Goodnight France Forum!

How bloomin' useful - it really works! TVM RH! OK, this should link direct to my eulogy https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ru00wqf3zwidlff/V1_YLxszSN

The cremation went as well as these thing can, and I got through my 8-page eulogy. There were about 30 mourners,which was ideal for me to meet and greet. I knew every one. I did not stop to watch the CCTV relay of the actual burning, thanks, but a few people did. Loirette of this parish was there with her husband, so France Forum was represented, and I said so in my speech. I would be happy to post the eulogy - but as it's 8 pages (albeit 14 point, as suggested on here, good idea!) I'm not confident that would be popular. I am struggling to think where I could place it to provide a link. Perhaps one of the clever-with-IT people has an idea?

Well the eulogy is written - each para in English, then French. Most of it is factual, describing Deb's progress through life, and the complication of reading it in alternating languages will help me forget the import of the event. A sensible-shoes mourner will also have a copy to step into the breach if needed. I have selected a piece of music - Fairport Convention's "Meet On The Ledge", which although first recorded in the '60s, has become an anthem for the Fairport faithful in the modern era. It is always the last number at midnight on the Saturday - ending the Cropredy Festival. The version I've stumbled across was recorded live in 1997 at Cropredy, and since there is one verse where only the audience is singing, Deb's voice is certain to be there somewhere. How do I know? Well, she was almost always in the front "row" - this is a stage in a large field, remember. Some years back someone published a book about Fairport and its members and associated Folkies. In this book there is a photo of two leading musicians, Martin Carthy and Norma Waterson, but they are not performing. They are sitting in the area below the stage, in front of the punters, watching their daughter Eliza perfom. The photograph is taken looking away from the stage, and therefore shows the audience behind them. And leaning on the rail right behind and between them, clearly enjoying the show, is Deb. The pic would be from a similar era to the recording, I think. I am sitting here holding a framed copy of the pic, which Deb got from the original photographer.         

With the cremation on Monday, this weekend I have to compose an eulogy. It will need to be in both languages, but I am determined that it should be all mine - the French may be weak, but it will be the best I can do, with a little help from online dictionaries etc! Inasmuchas I have been a bit curmudgeonly about invitations to the event, I feel the least I can do is publish it here after I have delivered it - and I can also tell you how far I got if I fell to bits on the way. Cunning plan - as recommended by a friend's vicar - is to have a copy with a sensible member of the mourners, who can step in and read to the end if I am unable to continue. As I may have mentioned, I have a hard act to follow, with Deb delivering first rate eulogies for both her father and her sister. The funeral Director was quite happy to accept the plastic duck, by the way, said it was most suitable, and enjoyed its provenance.

The coffin will be sealed on Monday morning by a policeman, as per French law before a cremation. No chance of sticking Mother-In-Law in as well, then.[Forum members will be aware that Deb had no regard for her mother, hadn't spoken to her or had any contact since february.] I am allowed to add a keepsake in the coffin. When very young, Deb bought her father a yellow plastic duck, amd when he died it was still in his bathroom. it is now in ours. Guess where it will be on Monday?

Deb will be cremated at Le Mans (where else?!) on Monday 10th September at 1100. I am NOT expecting droves of people to turn up. Some of you will have recognised that I am a more private person than was Deb, and I do not relish having to meet and greet many mourners. Reading pages of your generous tributes has had me on the ropes, believe me! We are still negotiating the final resting place of the ashes, which is subject to strict rules in France. The funeral director is being as helpful as he can within the law.

Deb and I became an item 39 years ago this week. I basically nicked her off my flatmate, who moved out shortly afterwards! It is all a bit ironic, because in that same week my mother was dying of cancer on the liver, and I know Deb had been touched by my story of sitting back to back with mum to ease her back pain. Mum died the following week, and my father suffered horribly. The Deb I think France Forum knew was a strong minded, intelligent person, caring, left-wing, always likely to want her own way. We married in 1974, when deb was 19, on the strict understanding that kids would not be borne, and there was never a moment's regret on that subject on either side. Deb wanted to work with horses, and did so for about 6 months, but the pay was on the low side of dreadful, and so she decided to join the railway. I had worked there for 7 years, and the previous boyfriend and other friends were also there. She did quite well, and within a dozen years was a senior manager in a BR subsidiary – Travellers Fare. She then progressed into the Executive Group – beating me into that grade, in which there were very, very few women. She was part of the Management Buyout of TF at Xmas 1988, but from there things went wrong. There were too many partners – 10 – and Deb was the only female, as well as being the youngest. She was put under enormous pressure, and in mid-1989 resigned, never having made a penny from the deal. Almost immediately she won a job with Bottoms Up, the wine purveyors, as Marketing Manager, and had a hectic year before the last recession started to bite and sales fell. She was offered a package to go, and did so. That was her last “demanding” job, and that is part of your story. From 1990 until 2004 she did menial work, supermarket stuff, then caring for horses and cleaning house. During that time she met some first rate people, several of whom I have had to talk to in the last few days – i.e. enduring friendships. They recognised Deb was more than a cleaner. One – a retired teacher who has herself been bereaved in the last year - told me that her whole family adored Deb and thought the world of her. In 2004 we moved here as I opted for early retirement, having opted to work part-time for the previous 18 months while we got things sorted. I still find it implausible that in BR and its successors, no-one ever paid me to go away! I’m not sure when Deb joined France Forum, but I do know she found it a most gratifying environment, from which she gained a great deal of knowledge and cameraderie in tandem. It fulfilled an intellectual need that had not been met since she dropped out of executive life in 1990. Thus when the healthcare issue arose, she was determined to take it to the top and fight the good fight, with a result - due to the input of plenty of others, of course - that put many minds to rest. After the main battle seemed won, she went away for a boozy lads’ weekend in Rotterdam, and loved it. Someone there asked where I was – and she said I’d hate it. True! But when she returned she was exhausted, and basically had a flu-like condition for about a week. The accident in 2008 was a turning point in our lives. On one level it made us closer, because I had a new role as a partial-carer, but on another level it just created new tensions – because Deb so resented needing care. Last year’s cancer was a shock – except that to me the accident had kinda changed things irrevocably, so I was almost philosophic when it was diagnosed. Since 2008 she had been different – Mrs Grumpy in her own words. And now she’s gone. I’m sure the full impact has not yet hit me, but it is as if I’ve expected it, perhaps right back to 39 years ago, when I watched my father suffer. Living alone is not a novelty – Deb’s many months in hospital have given me preparation in spades for that – but no doubt there will be some bad days. You may see me on here from time to time, but don’t expect the quality that Deb delivered. That has gone for good.