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Everything posted by Gemonimo

  1. My opinion is that Michelle looks like a lot more fun than Carla who I have the impression is rather false but not knowing either of them I may be quite wrong.
  2. And my mimosa is nearly in bloom.... quelle joie!
  3. He Said, I Said >  He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing >  to > put in it. > I said to him . . . You wear pants don 't you? > > He said to me . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? > I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit > on > the sofa and fart! > > He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I > gave you? > I said to him . ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror! > > He said to me. ...... Why don't women blink during foreplay? > I said to him .. . They don't have time > > He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet > paper? > I said to him .. . We don't know; it has never happened. > > He said to me. .. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, > caring > and Good- looking? > I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends. > > I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every > night? > He said. . . A widow. > > He said to me . . Why are m arried women heavier than single women? > I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and > go > to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. >
  4. Thanks everyone for your helpful replies.  I won't be paid as much as £5,000 but I'm beginning to think that a euro cheque paid into my French bank account will ultimately be the answer.  It's a few months away so I have time to think about it.  Thanks again for your help.
  5. I have lived in France for over twenty years.  I don't own a home, have securities (or even a bank account) and don't pay tax in the UK. I am taxable in France although my revenue is not enough for me to be 'imposable'.  This summer I will be taking care of a friends aged mother while my friend goes to Australia for a few months.  I will be paid and declared in the UK by my friend.  My question is.... can I just take the cheque and deposit it in France and declare it in my tax return for 2010 or do I have to declare it as earned income in the UK, pay tax, NI etc.  Thanks for any help.
  6. This is all very odd.  My radio picks up 'bleeps' but the mobile does not always ring.  Someone suggested that it might be a call from a mobile without much 'reseau'.  Or else it's those little green men[:-))]
  7. I'm up Krusty and have been since 8.00am!  A very happy New Year with good health to you and everyone on the Forum[kiss] Jen
  8. Does it ever work Ernie?  The puppies are tooooo cute.
  9. As we move into the weekend, and as the  Holiday Season grows near,  I would like to pass along this gentle reminder...   6 beers    2 glasses of wine         2 bottles of wine (shared)         too many margaritas              3 Kamikazes       7 Captain Morgans (coconut flavored, of course) & coke      1 large purple haze        3 martinis         1 bottle of tequila       
  10. On television the other day there was a blind tasting of four foie gras - two expensive and two el cheapo.  The expert classified the two inexpensive ones (Ed and Marque Repere Leclerc) as being 18/20 and the other two (Labeyrie was one of them) as 12/20.  I always make my own mi-cuit, that way I know what I'm getting. 
  11. Solar fairy lights will be the answer next year when my daughter gets married.  I'd better rush out to Gifi while stocks last in case they only stock them at Christmas. Great idea!
  12. Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy > > missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!! > > > > ----------------------------------- > > > > A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy odered a whiskey. > > The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink. > > > > He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let > > liquor touch my lips!' > > > > Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a > > choice!' > > ----------------------------------- > > > > Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people > > are flying with you?' > > > > Paddy replies 'I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!' > > ----------------------------------- > > > > Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'Im > > gonna have the day off, Im gonna prtend Im mad!' > > > > He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! > > I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement! > > > > The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home' So he leaves the site. > > > > Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. > > > > 'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman. > > > > 'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy. > > --------------------------------------- > > > > Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours > > of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on' > > ----------------------------------------- > > > > Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & > > lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want dont you?' > > > > 'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!' > > ------------------------------------------ > > > > Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common? > > > > A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a > > dodgy one! > > ------------------------------------------- > > > > Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not > > servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was > > a death trap! > > -------------------------------------------- > > > > Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whos head was found on Arbroath > > beach was asked to identify her. A detective held up the head to which > > point Paddy said 'I dont think thats her, she wasnt that tall!' > > ------------------------------------------------- > > > > Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours dog is barking like > > mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off. > > > > He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?' > > > > Paddy replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like > > it!' > > ------------------------------------------------ > > > > An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for > > a Jew!' > > > > She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!' > > > > ----------------------------------------------- > > > > Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. > > 'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didnt even know they had mobile phones!' > > ---------------------------------------------- > > > > Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say > > 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!' > > > > Paddy says 'Whats his name?' > > > > Mick replies 'Miles from London!' > > ---------------------------------------------- > > > > An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past & > > stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick Irish > > like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick the > > f**k out of you if I could swim!' > > >
  13. HOW FAR? > > Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench under a moonlit > sky, > talking, and one  blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is > farther > away... Florida or the moon?" > > The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida > ?????" > > > > CAR TROUBLE > >  A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it > died. > > After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. > > She says, "What's the story?" > > He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" > > She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" > > > > SPEEDING TICKET > > A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if > he > could see her license. > > She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just > yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show > it > to you!" > > > > AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE > > A gorgeous20young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her > body hurt wherever she touched it. > >    "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." > > The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, > then > she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and > screamed; > > likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made > her scream. > >    The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? > >    "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." > >    "I thought so," the doctor said.. "Your finger is broken." > > > > KNITTING > > A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. > Glancing > at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was > knitting! > >    Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, >    the > trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL > OVER!" > >    "NO!" the blonde yelled back, a bright friendly grin on her face, >    "IT'S > A SCARF!" > > > > BLONDE ON THE SUN > >    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The >    Russian > said, "We were the first in space!" > >    The American said, "We were the=2 > 0first on the moon!" > >    The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" > >    The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their > heads.  "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the > Russian. > >    To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going >    at > night!" > > > > IN A VACUUM > >      A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She > rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If > you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" > >    She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" > > > > FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! > >  A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, >  and > asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one > was > named Rolex and one was named Timex.  Her friend said, "Whoever heard of > someone naming dogs like that?" > > "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond.  "They're watch dogs!" > > > >
  14. Those are just until you get her the real one for christmas, right?[Www]
  15. [quote user="Puzzled"][quote user="Bugbear"]Porridge................................with a largish blob of Treacle [/quote] I'm going to start something here [Www] do you mean that thick black stuff treacle or do you mean golden syrup ' treacle' ? The latter was always treacle in our house -but I was corrected by my wonderful never wrong sister in law, that I was wrong! [/quote] Perhaps the confusion comes from Treacle Tart which is made with syrup not treacle. And how about crumpets, well cooked on the bottom and with lots of butter variety 'sel de guérande'?
  16. Gosh, Chessfou, you must be very important [Www] to have been able to get a reservation at El Bulli. How long did you have to wait?  I hear it's years and that they select their guests!
  17. [quote user="sweet 17"]They're great rolled when, after frequent washing, they get a bit out of shape and the corners are every which way.[/quote] Mine too, and as for the woven bit at each end which shrinks so you get a 'frill'......
  18. My dogs - big briard and little tibetan spaniel - have never scratched my glass doors. But don't get me started on 'slobber' marks! [+o(]
  19. Hi Sweet 17... Yes I really must post more regularly and not just browse - I'm just being lazy! Thanks for your thoughts.
  20. [quote user="Meg and Mog"]I naffed it up a bit too. But there's a huge difference between failure and quitting. People make mistakes, people bugger up. Its called being human. It's the keeping on at it, no matter how far you get pushed, admitting when you went wrong, and never quitting that counts. [/quote] How right you are M&M and I hope you are all doing well. A couple of months after 'going public' on the forum about my late partner I met a new man and life looks pretty ok.  Don't lose courage everyone! Jen
  21. I was on the rocade around Bordeaux this morning and it was nearly empty.  However, I did notice that roadworks to widen the road at the Merignac exits are starting soon and they may well hold you up.  Good luck, anyway!
  22. And what have you done with the mother in law[:-))]!!!!!!!!
  23. If your flight is in the morning from  Bordeaux, remember to leave very early as the two bridges (especially the Pont d'Aquitaine) and the Rocade are likely to be sluggish, if not at a standstill, between 8 - 9.30am.  Unless of course you are travelling on a Sunday in which case you will sail into the airport without a problem.  Jen
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