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cajal

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Everything posted by cajal

  1. [quote user="NormanH"]Amazing how a thread about a French movement mutes into a discussion of things English...[/quote] NormanH must have been out having some more of this (hmm how the other live) with, perhaps, a little too much alcoholic sauce as he has totally missed the common theme.....out of control unions and socialists regards cajal
  2. I'm still looking forward to finding out where he thinks the money is going to come from to pay for his very first new measure  I would think from an increase in the rate of the Mayor of London and Greater London Assembly precept of London's council tax. Just as Ken did back in 1981 at the then GLC with his and Dave Wetzell's Fares Fair scheme (.50p top fare anywhere) with what were then ratepayers. I remember it well. I'd bought a house in Islington in 1980.  With the rate increase for the GLC Fares Fair and the astronomic hike in local rates introduced by the now Dame Margaret Hodge (Council leader Islington South at the time), late Chair of the Parliamentary Public Accounts Committee (you couldn't make this stuff up!) we were paying £1100 per annum rates in 1981. However, two good things emerged from living in the Cannonbury area of Islinton. The first was it wasn't Islington North (MP....Jeremy Corbyn!) and secondly I had the last laugh when it was sold in 2005. the introduction of a flat rate time-governed fare on the buses. Apparently to eke out the best value per mile/hour on this scheme you need to catch the second last N9 of the night at 04.45 from the Royal Albert Hall. This arrives at Heathrow Central Bus Station at 05.44. Quickly tap onto the first X26 at 05.45.(The longest route on a London bus) This would be 23.75 miles on the X26 to Croydon plus about 13 miles on the N9. So that's almost 35 miles. regards cajal
  3. From this mornings Telegraph: 'The Rail, Maritime and Transport union is still in dispute with London Underground over conditions for engineering workers linked to the new service. An industrial action ballot is being held. General secretary Mick Cash said: "There are major unresolved issues in relation to the Tube Lines engineering workforce and it is imperative that the company now moves quickly to address the points at the core of that dispute.' "RMT also still has major concerns over the safe running of the Night Tube and there are unresolved issues on the detailed safety case that will have to be agreed through the health and safety machinery." Well, let's just say Khan is nearly there and as London has now returned to a socialist  led administration the words 'off' and 'buy' spring to mind. regards cajal
  4. The Austrian Presidential election will be decide by Österreichische Post AG. The results of yesterdays vote between Norbert Hofer, of the Freedom Party (Far right) and independent Alexander Van der Bellen, (backed by the Greens) was too close too call last nite so the final result will be determined by the count of the postal votes today. The post of President is pretty well ceremonial but they do have the power to dismiss the chancellor and parliament. It would seem more and more Europeans are becoming  pi*sed off with things European. regards cajal
  5. [quote user="woolybanana"]Now that they have helped Labour take over London, I think that the number of strikes will diminish sharply![/quote] I'm sitting here doing the 'sucking air over teeth' thing with a 'questioning  glaze' on my face thinking 'you reckon?' regards cajal
  6. Why, when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer is it 'art' and 'music.'? Yet when I do it, I'm 'insane' and have to leave Brico Depot. regards cajal
  7. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a gorgeous blonde and a plain looking brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. The brunette thinks, 'I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde and she slapped the pervert.' The blonde thinks, 'I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the brunette for me, and she slapped him.' The Frenchman thinks, 'I bet that English creep touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.' The Englishman thinks, 'I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that Frenchman again.' Regards cajal
  8. Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?" regards cajal
  9. Little Benny asks his dad for a telly in his room and after due consideration he reluctantly agrees. Next day Benny comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad what is love juice?' Dad looks horrified, but bites the bullet and tells Benny all about sex. Benny sits there with his mouth wide open in amazement. Dad says "So what were you watching son"? Benny replies "Tennis".
  10. Two women were riding their bicycles along a cobbled street. One said to the other, "I've never come this way before." Her friend replied, "Neither have I. It must be the cobbles!" regards cajal
  11. Q: "Why have David Cameron and George Osborne been taking lots of ventriloquist lessons recently?" A: "So that every day between now and 23rd June they can present a series of different Dummies mouthing their words" Overheard at a recent brain-storming session to select future Dummies, chaired by Script-Writer-in-Chief, Lord Crosby: How about using respected men from MI5, MI6, and all the numbers up to M99 to be the Dummies? - We've tried that. Unfortunately the one's we've used were all pensioned off some years ago and tend to get corrected by the bloke doing the job today. How about more World Organisations and Financial BigWig Dummies? - Could be. There's no shortage of them queueing up to present whatever numbers we want them to. - Problem is our Dummies don't have enough fingers to make the numbers add up Then how about respected Tory Grandee Dummies from Yesteryear? - Yeah, like Major and Heseltine. - We've tried it. People don't trust 'em any more - Pity that people have such long memories Then how about using world leaders like Obama, Hollande, and Lagarde, they'd make great Dummies? - We've already had 'em. - Ah well, pity that people have such short memories. Then how about Mrs Merkel reprising Roosevelt's 1930's "fear" speech. - That's an idea! I can just hear it now …. - "Zee only zing ve haf to fear is Project Fear itselft" - Gotta do something about the accent though. - Mmmm, perhaps we can get Helen Mirren to overdub it - An overdubbed Dummy? - that might work. How about the Queen? She'd make a right royal Dummy. - Well, we did try her out on a Dummy run at the Opening of Parliament this week without her knowing. - Unfortunately we had nothing worth saying so it was a bit of a yawn. Maybe we could approach the Pope …. ? - No, as a previous great spin doctor once said: "We don't do religion" - That don't count - he was from the other lot, not us. - Better steer clear though. How's this for a storming idea? - We get Simon Cowell to do a special edition of the Dummy Factor! - Yeah! We could even do a Celebrity Dummy Factor. - There's plenty of Left Wing Luvvie Dummies who'd do it - With peerages all round for all the Dummy contestants! Right let's go for it. Anyone want more coffee? No thanks - I'd prefer a Gottle of Geer
  12. Hi NickP Maybe you should consider re-reading the above few posts then perhaps editing yours. regards cajal
  13. andyh wrote: There will be many Brits travelling on holiday who might just (and I do stress might) find that some jobsworth in Kathmandu will say that their licence is not valid anymore and no they cannot hire a car, or in Miami or wherever. and I truly hope that pragmatism will apply across the world ( and remember the problem is potentially some official or hire car clerk in Timbuctoo or other remote location and not necessarily in Frankfurt/Main or Bratislava.) If you feel global car rental could become a major issue you could drop these outfits below  an email asking if a European UK drivers licence will be valid at their locations on June 24th. KathmanduCarRental MiamiCarRental TimbuktuCarRental regards cajal
  14. Hi Rabbie I enjoyed it and I already new the punch-line. So all I can say is: But pleasures are like poppies spreadYou seize the flow'r, its bloom is shed Or like the snow falls in the river A moment white then melts for ever regards cajal
  15. Ho hum, explaining a joke tends to destroy any humour in it. But as it's you Pierre I'll willingly make an exception. The set-up is that these native Americans are of Jewish descent (try googling any of the words you don't recognise). Their dietary laws forbid the use of dairy and meat in the same meal, hence he couldn't use that particular tomahawk. (Dairy tomahawk v  Meat Buffalo). What should also be considered is 'Why would anyone have/need/want a dairy tomahawk? Hope that helps regards cajal
  16. .......but were afraid to ask. TGV I figured this was the best board to post it on. Hope it helps someone. regards cajal
  17. The Texan asks the Newfie where he's from and the Newfie says, "You know where New York is? The Texan says, "Yeh, yeh, I know where that is". "The Newfie says, " Well boy, you just drive north of there about 6 hours, turn right for 3 hours and catch a ferry for 6 hours and you're in Newfoundland." The Texan says "Wow, that's got to be close to China!" The Newfie thinks about this and then says, "By gosh, I think you might be right. I work with a Chinese guy and he goes home for lunch every day!" regards cajal
  18. Disclaimer # 2 There will be some amongst us who, as long as they have a hole in their rear, will never 'get' the following. To be in with any chance it is necessary to have an awareness of a certain religions particular mannerisms, commands and requirements. Good luck. There was this family of Schmohawk Indians sitting around the shtetl one night. The papa, Geronowitz; the mama, Pocayenta; and the beautiful young daughter, Minihorowitz. "So, nu," says the daughter, "You'll never believe." "What?", says the mama. "Today, at high noon, I was proposed to in marriage." "Yes?" says the mama, "so what did you say?" "I said 'Yes.'" "You said 'Yes'?" "I said 'Yes.'" "That's wonderful," says the mama. "She said 'Yes'! Did you hear that Geronowitz? Our little Minihorowitz is getting married!" "I heard," says the papa, "I'm kvelling. So who's the lucky boy?" "Sittin' Bialy." "Sittin' Bialy?" says the mama, "of the SoSiouxMe tribe?" "That's the one," says Minihorowitz. "Oy, Geronowitz! The SoSiouxMe's! There are so many of them! How can we feed them? How can we get them all in our teepee for the wedding?" "We'll think of something," says Geronowitz. "Geronowitz! Get me a buffalo!" "What, at this hour?" "No, Geronowitz, for the wedding! I can make buffalo tzimmes from the meat, and we can make an extra teepee from the hide. Get me a buffalo!" So Geronowitz goes out to hunt a buffalo. A day goes by, and a night, and Geronowitz has not come back. Another day and another night, and still no sign of him. Another day and half the night, and Geronowitz comes home. Exhausted. Staggering. And empty-handed. "Geronowitz!, I've been worried sick. Where have you been? And where's my buffalo?!" "It's like this," he says. "On my first day out, I hunted high, and I hunted low, and I finally found a buffalo. But this buffalo, he made Justin Beiber look strong. It was a tiny, scrawny little buffalo, with no meat on his bones for buffalo tzimmes, and barely enough hide for a rain hat.. So I settled in for the night to try again the next day. "The second day, I looked high, and I looked low, from this way and that way, and I finally found a buffalo. He was a big buffalo, with lots of meat, and lots of hide, but I tell you, Pocayenta, this was the ugliest buffalo I ever saw in my life. 'This,' I thought to myself, 'is not the buffalo for MY daughter's wedding.' So again, I settled in for the night to try again the next day. "The third day, I got up early, and I looked high and I looked low, from this way and that way, going up hills and down hills, and I found a buffalo. It was a big buffalo. It was, as buffalos go, a beautiful buffalo. It was, if I say so myself, the perfect buffalo. 'This,' I says to myself, 'is the buffalo Pocayenta wants for Minihorowitz's wedding.'"So I reach into my backpack quietly for my tomahawk. As I tip-toe over to the buffalo I raise my tomahawk slowly over the buffalo's neck, when suddenly,like a bolt of lightning from the sky, I see it. I've brought the dairy tomahawk!" Don't say you weren't  warned. regards cajal
  19. Disclaimer: 1 Following intensive research I am, unfortunately, unable to verify or confirm the historical accuracy of the following incident below or as to whether it actually took place at all. 2 Anyone wishing to refer to me as Richard Head,Richard Cranium or even Dikk Head don't bother....already been done. 3 If you feel it necessary to have 'a pop' make sure it's worthy of publishing. so here goes......... A guy was having a tattoo of an Indian warrior on his back. Half way through, he said, "Excuse me pal, would you put a tomahawk in his hand for me." The tattooist replied, "Sure, as soon as I've finished his turban." regards cajal
  20. [quote user="alittlebitfrench"] The problem is that the black range rover sport types sit in the middle of country roads because they don't want to fall into a pothole [/quote] I thought they didn't venture further than the highways of Chelsea and South Kensington? regards cajal
  21. Operation Mincemeat! Was made into the 1956 film 'The Man Who Never Was'.  Seen it. Excellent movie. Here regards cajal
  22. [quote user="suein56"] They enter a gross figure because the net mentioned does not mean after tax but after any deductible expenses have been taken off. Deductible expenses such as the costs of selling shares, the cost of exchanging ££ for €€ etc. Sue [/quote] Thanks for the explanation. regards cajal
  23. Way to go pomme. If you adopt a bullet-proof kick a*s approach to this annual chore they can then come at you with all they can muster in the case of an audit. By the way. I've never understood why people enter a Gross figure in boxes of certain sections when it clearly states Net. regards cajal
  24. Good evening Ernie, Now if you want to deliver someone their comeuppance you definitely have it over the other guy (but it was only intended to be a gag!). Oh – and Grumps just left out a comma, that’s all, I think you know that already. I might have seen worse on this site, but it’s hardly worth the effort to be the Colonel i/c grammar patrol, is it ? You are of course right but I just can't help myself. I actually respect a good putdown but if that's the path someone chooses to take then they should ensure their own house is in order first. The original effort was abysmal and nothing more than pathetic. Anyway for your positive response I duly award you this regards cajal
  25. Good afternoon grumpyaud*****(insert as appropriate) 'What's your point Mohammed' No, the name's cajal......look to your left. No, not in your room.....on your computer screen.  There, now do you see it. Anyway, thanks for the heads up with reference to the historical accuracy requirement when posting on The Lighter Side. Oh and while we are on religion, the quote from the bible, "and some fell on stoney ground" would appear appropriate regarding your grasp of things. But then as you quote  "I am a non believer" I guess it will also be lost on you. regards cajal
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