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oliveau

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Everything posted by oliveau

  1. ..........covered in Tikka Massala sauce following an unfortunate incident in Jean-Pierre Gupta's Etoile d'Indie restaurant when............
  2. .....'Madame, je suis desolé, mais ne ne parle pas francais'. His wife, hearing her husband talking to this French trollop immediately put her plan into action by...........
  3. [quote user="ianf"] All O blood group people are wheat intolerant.     [/quote] That's a very bold statement - is that your experience or is your statement backed by scientific research? Interested & curious
  4. We got gazumped in a a similar manner 3 years ago - The agent's defence was that the other purchaser was 'a very good client'. Needless to say we dumped that agent PDQ! Peter
  5. ...........which she put in place with great guile, ready to ensnare the unsuspecting Yvette,...........
  6. .........empty the mouse traps. Meanwhile at the fromagerie Mme Yvette Camembert was getting more annd more distraught. She hadn't had her chimney swept since her beloved Henri had died suddenly three years previously, and he had made a point of sweeping her chimney every Sunday afternoon since they had married tweny-five years earlier. Now the urge to have her chimney swept was occupying every waking hour; she had tried doing it herself, and although the result was mildly satisfying, it wasn't like having herchimney swept by a real man. As she lay alone in bed at night she would fantasise about which of the village men would sweep her chimney for her - There was her neighbour's son, but he still lived with his maman despite being 35, and Yvette doubted that he had ever swept a chimney in his life, and then there was the lovely Roland from the tabac, but Yvette knew that already he was sweeping the chimneys of three other widows in the village. Rumour had it that there was a young man in the next village who swept chimneys for a living, but rumour also said that he was very quick, and only gave the chimneys a perfunctory prod with his rod and brush, and besides, Yvette had no intention of paying to have her chimney swept. Yvette was a woman who knew what she wanted, and she wanted a good strong man like her Henri who would take his time sweeping her chimney, and would make sure that the brush went right to the top of the chimney - she remembered vividly how Henri would make those final hard thrusts as his brush hit the top of the chimney. Finally Yvette thought of the anglais who had just arrived in the village - now he looked as though he knew how to sweep chimneys, so she...........
  7. ............taking what ever the lovely Sophie offered to him. Trotters were his favourite, and should she offer them in payment then he would..........
  8. ......make boudin noir, boudin blanc and other delights. But first she had to kill the pig, and in this she made a fatal error by enlisting the help of the neighbouring farmer, Vincent Le Boeuf, who had on such occasions been known to............
  9. in his ear....... and make him bacon and egg sandwiches. He had once confided this to Mlle Lafarge in a moment of weakness, and she was revolted. A bacon and egg sandwich she could understand, but making love to an English woman, why sacre bleu, toute le monde knows that English women are frigid! French women on the other hand............
  10. Could be chalk. Try vacuuming straight out to waste, rather than through the filter, and see if it gets rid of it. It's so fine that the filter tends to regurgitate it back in to the pool. Peter
  11. [quote user="Gardengirl"] We saw adaptors for English electrical goods to French sockets in Darty branches on our recent trip to France, while looking for electrical appliances. Jo [/quote] And I saw them in Bricomarché in Alençon 2 or 3 years ago. Peter
  12. .........Pont l'Eveque that had been ripened by burying it in a sack in the midden for a month. The Gendarme, however, was known to have even stranger cravings, which were only whispered about in the bar after several glasses of Marcel's home made absinthe, but in brief...........
  13. Well, I read this, and thought that it merited a long e-mail or pm in response, then I thought - might as well share my thoughts with the forum at large. I can only speak from my own experience, and I offer that in the form of factual comment NOT a whinge! In common with Athene, we had a lovely house and garden in the UK, and when we bought in France [with the intention at that time of spending the summer in France and winter in UK] we hated the idea of the garden going to rack & ruin in the summer, and tenants ruining our furnishings. We therefore sold the house and downsized to a small cottage that we could shut up, returning as & when we wanted. We therefore sent most of our possessions to France, retaining enough in the cottage to make it comfortable. We came to France in Juy 2004, and stayed for the whole of August, planning the renovation work with the maitre d'oeuvres. We finally moved over here in March/April 2005, and after a couple ofmonths decided that we wanted the house in France to be our 'maison principale', and that we wouild let the cottage, and as it was reasonably comfortable, we could use it if it was vacant and we wanted a break in the UK. In the middle of all this my mother went into a nursing home, and we had to empty her house ready for selling, so we moved furniture around again, leaving just basic comforts in the cottage and having another delivery to France [pm me for details of a reasonable remover]. I selcted a local letting agency, and went for full management, and a Polish couple with an 8 year old daughter moved in. After 6 months they had to return to Poland because her mother was ill, but they left the house in immaculate condition. A new tenant was found, and we signed the tenancy agreement. After 6 weeks we had received no rent, and on questioning the agents they coolly informed me that the tenant had not after all moved in, and they were looking for another. We subsequently signed an agreement for another tenant - Father with teenage daughter. Within a month we had a desperate phone call from our erstwhile neighbours telling us that the daughter was alone in the house 3 or 4 nights a week, and the local youths were appearing in droves at night causing havoc. I instructed the agent to get rid of the tenant at once, but was told we had to wait until the end of the 6 months tenancy. He then stopped paying rent, and I was advised that the easiest way of getting an eviction was for arrears of rent - We then waited 3 months for a court hearing, and he was in the property for 7 months in total, but only paid rent for 2 months. We didn't have rent guarantee insurance because the agent advised us that they had never had any defaulters. The £900 deposit was used up in paying to rectify damage to the house, and in addition he owes another £800 for damaged furniture, including a £350 bed six months old, which was totally trashed. So far we have had £180 back through an attachment of earnings order, but that has cost £500 in solicitor's fees. Needless to say we have changed agents, and are on the second set of tenants with them, and no trouble at all. These agents include rent guarantee as standard in their package - no cost to us. BUT we took everything out of the house and now let it unfurnished. In the light of our experience I would recommend: Use an agent who is RICS or FNEA. Let unfurnished [which in fairness the first agent advised us to do.] There's no difference in rental between a furnished and an unfurnished house - Flats are a different story. Make sure there is a rent guarantee scheme in place. Watch out for agent's 'creaming off' schemes. On checking with our insurers [ 30 years as customers] they wouldn't cover properties that were let. Agent no. 1 said there was only one firm which would provide cover - Homelet ['mention our name when applying']. When I came to renew a year later Homelet asked if there were any problems, so I told them of the rent arrears as that was the current situation, and they then refused cover. The agent was no help, saying I should not have told the insurers about the tenant. In desperation I surfed the net, found a broker [pm me for details] & got insurance with no problem, at and at half the price. Go for full management for peace of mind. The odd jobs I have had done have been reasonably priced, and I leave the agent in sole charge of repairs & renewals. A good agent will ask you to specify how much they can spend without referral, and we went for £250. If you really love your home and garden, and letting perturbs you, you may be better to sell, and buy a property specifically to let, which keeps you in touch with UK market prices. In response to Athene's specifics: Take your white goods, and let the tenants provide their own. Don't leave the TV - in fact leave nothing! You don't get a higher rent, and if the TV goes up the Swanee, that's another £x to spend. Modern tenancies don't differentiate between furnished and unfurnished - They are all Shorthold Assured Tenancies. The tenancy agreement will limit the tenants ability to redecorate your house in fluoescent orange! The house has to be left as it was found, less reasonable wear and tear. Tell the agent that the house comes with a gardener, who they should pay. Increase the rent to cover it. Definitely full management, but 28%?!!!! 12½% is nearer the mark. Agents won't chase up defaulters - A major bone of contention in our case. Make sure you have a good rent guarantee policy, but be prepared to pay your solicitor [or write off a debt]. I know it's a lengthy post, but the initial post merited a detailed reply. Bon Courage, Peter    
  14. .......a pot of home made strawberry jam that her sister, Winnie, had sent her from England. Down at the school, the headmistress Mlle Coqamant was showing the older boys how to............
  15. ......pen, and told Enid that she had to sign for the package. He lingered, hoping for a..........
  16. ...........'Have you got a bulb to fit this torch please?' 'Madame, I fear you are a little, 'ow do you Anglais say, discombobulated, ce matin. This is not a torch, this is a 'personal' item the like of which I 'ave never seen before. I must just show it to my amante Lili Loosenickers, 'oo will no doubt be able to use it for........
  17. .......green wellies and Barbour coats. Meanwhile, Enid Truscott was feeling depressed, lonely and full of lust for Claude the swarthy young blacksmith, so reaching into her bedside cabinet for the item she had secreted there, and fitting it with a new battery, she........................
  18. It's....................gone...................sloooooooo..ooooooooooooow.................again!
  19. [quote user="RDC3"] So my advice is - beware! Ask to see everything working, visit the house on the day of signing, and ask questions about your liabilities. RDC3 [/quote] I think I made this point in my post a few weeks ago titled 'Professional Advice'. I can't think why people buy houses in France without the benefit of a French speaking solicitor experienced in French property conveyance! There's the added burden of having to do everything in French. It's a major investment, yet there are so many tales of woe in this forum from people who frankly should have known better. It may be France, but the Latin adage applies just as much here as it does anywhere - CAVEAT EMPTOR. I now my reponse is blunt, but there's no point in beating about the bush. Peter
  20. [quote user="Mel "] On a sunny morning, I can usually be found sitting outside the Cafe des Arts with a glass of Grimbergen whilst my wife sips her coffee and pollutes the air with her fag smoke.......   [/quote]   In that case Mel, the next time we go to market on Saturday, we'll look out for you! Thanks for the contributions to the story [Lighter side/Let's see how long we can keep this thread running] as well - at least a few of us are keeping it going! Peter @ Loché sur Indrois
  21. And I agree with both of the above, but from bitter experience, only let your UK house unfurnished. It's better to take everything to France or put into storage than find thar some a......e has trashed your possessions. You can take references for potential tenants, but............ Peter  
  22. ......dreaming about Enid Truscott, and the run in she had with a local vigneron. What happened was.............
  23. .......lacy pink silk, the kind of material from which Mlle Lafarge's soutien-gorge was made. There was a loud clang as it dropped to the floor, along with the curé's trousers........
  24. .......lacy pink silk, the kind om material from which Mlle Lafarge's soutien-gorge was made. There was a loud clang as it dropped to the floor, along with the curé's trousers........
  25. ...........Swarfega was a a wonderful delicacy, especially when washed down with a few pints of..................
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